Terrified!!!
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Terrified!!!
| Wed, 06-13-2007 - 2:35am |
my ex-fiance broke up with me earlier this year. in hindsight i can see that he was a very unhealthy person, the relationship wasn't very healthy and i had many concerns (he also had two teenage girls who were great but he didn't want more kids - me 35, him 46). i'm really scared about getting back out there because he really has affected my self-worth, not to mention my judgement in men. we had a wonderful courtship (met at work, took it slow), but i found out pretty early on he had dysfunctional family and intimate relationships (and harboured a lot of anger and resentment). but i loved him, was totally committed and felt very secure (everyone commented how besotted he was with me), but when he broke it off really suddenly in a horrible nasty way, i was left scarred and hurt. i should have realised the red flags straight away, and run a mile, but i tend to hang in there no matter what. i'm scared about getting back out there; i want to meet someone great, and i know i'm no spring chicken anymore! how do i get over my fears?? thanks

curlylocks2006...
Pianoguy suggests that you approach ANY NEW FRIENDSHIP as just that...a NEW FRIENDSHIP!
If serious romantic chemistry is meant to happen...it will! But EXPECTING IT TO HAPPEN within a few months of dating...doesn't apply in everybody's case!
Give yourself permission to be "a free agent"---and make no EXCLUSIVE COMMITMENTS with any ballplay......err.....gentleman who might express an interest in you!
Best wishes and warm thoughts...
Pianoguy
curlylocks, our stories are similar. My bf just broke off a LTR with me and I'm scared to death to move on. He was very critical of me but I stood by him and was very loyal. I supported him in every way. Now, one month later, I realize his family situation (controlling, evil, two-faced mother) and intimacy issues made him perhaps not the best fit, although I thought we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Now, I must find another plan for the rest of my life. That may or may not involve another man. I'm not actively seeking another relationship, but if it happens, it happens.
As for my feelings about myself, I realized I feel much better about myself since he's gone. Since I met him, my weight ballooned. I realized that his constant criticism of me made me eat to feel good and the pounds just packed on. Now, I have lost 20 pounds and have 25 more to go. I'm taking MUCH better care of myself. I got a makeover and everyone I see tells me how great I look and it makes me feel great! Also, I'm fitting into my skinny clothes again - ya hoo! I used to hide because I didn't want people saying how heavy I got...now I enjoy being out and about for the compliments!
My one "fear" is that I might find another man as attractice as I found by ex. Fear? Weird, isn't it? I'm not easily attracted to men and it scares me to death the thought of being with anyone but him. I know when the day comes that I have those feelings again, it will be a milestone for me. I just can't explain it!
I can assure you that you are not the only one going through the pain. I want you to feel that you are not alone. Maybe if you change the color and style of your hair, get yourself some new clothes, you can feel like a new woman. That's what I did and you know what? I saw him a few days ago and he told me my hair looked "really nice." I was like WOW! I NEVER got compliments from him when we were together. May he eat his heart out!
Hang in there!!!!! We will survive!!