Is it possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Is it possible?
5
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 3:51am
Hello again,
I was hoping for some advice. I've been kind of messing around with a guy from work. He's a real sweetheart and makes me feel good about myself. The problem? He has a criminal past. My ex was basically a bum, and now this sweet jail bird is chasing me. I was wondering if I'm following the same "wrong" pattern as before. I guess what I'm saying is, I just got divorced on Monday(separated a year and a half)so I have my own baggage about that. And his baggage is his past. I guess his past doesn't really bother me so much but I have a feeling it will bother my family. And considering how the last relationship ended, I'm more apt to hear my family out about the situation. What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 12:16am

To me, it would depend on what his "criminal past" was. I have dated 2 men with criminal pasts. One was a former drug dealer who spent time in the federal pen. I dated him in the mid 90's and he had been out of jail for over 4 years. He was clean, sober and wonderful when I was dating him and he still is. The other was a DUI offender who was on house arrest part of the time that we dated. Again, he was a great guy, learned his lesson, did his time and moved on in a positive direction. Maybe this is the case with your friend?


As far as family goes, for me, they can have an opinion but I have the final say. If I make a mistake, it's mine to make and it's none of their business.


I would advise you to follow your gut with this one. I, myself, wouldn't care what my family thought. This guy could be someone really special for you or he could end up just being someone you dated a few times. In the end, things tend to work out they way they are supposed to.


Good luck and keep us posted. ;0)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Sat, 06-16-2007 - 5:37am
Thanks for your response fastlaney! Well, his charges are these. He was convicted of 3rd sexual assult, so he has to register as a sex offender for 5 years. Thats the big one. He was very up front with me about this. Now his side of the story is that it was a relationship gone bad and she turned around and said he raped her. I know there are two sides to every story so I'm not sure that I should just take his word for it. The other charges pretty much have to do with the same woman with restraining orders and filing domestic abuse charges. Now, this also raises a red flag for me because I just got a divorce from an abusive man. Now this new guy says that was years ago, I was different then, blah, blah, blah. He has basically been in and out of jail since he was 19 and he is now 34. So since my family is the type to look through public records online, they are going to see this sex offender stuff and explode I'm sure. I guess I'm just avoiding the speech about how my sister and I always date losers. I guess the way I figure it is, I don't care about what he's done in the past, as long as he's going to treat ME right. And so far, he does. So what do you think? Does this sound too heavy to handle?
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-18-2007 - 1:56pm

I look at patterns in my life especially those I care not to repeat. You were married to a bum and now you are starting to consider involvement with someone right out of the chute with an iffy history. Why would you want to do that?

PLUS you are newly divorced and rule-of-thumb advocated by therapists is to not to date right away so you can get on your own two feet emotionally.

What you shared here, I see no compelling reason to be part of his life.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Thu, 06-21-2007 - 11:09am
You both have very different types of "baggage". A past divorced wont haunt you nearly as much as a criminal past. I suggest you continue to date around and find someone more suitable to your needs and future- and never settle for just anything. Divorce after dating can be hard and the "baggage" doesn't make it easier, but everything will fall into place in its own time. I suggest you check out this site www.firstwivesworld.com, it's a site dedicated to divorced women and the aftermath of it all. The blogs and stories and entertaining and insightful and can really help you figure things out. There are some pretty good blogs on dating after divorce and the real experiences these women have. I wish you luck on your journey, for your life as a young, hot, divorced women has only yet begun... and it really isnt as bad as you may think!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 2:38pm


I think you may be making a mistake settling for someone with a criminal past. Your still hurting and that maybe why someone who notices you makes you feel good about yourself. You need to feel good about yourself anyway!

Take your time and take things slow...........you will find the right person.

Geno