i need help :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2007
i need help :(
3
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:14am
ok so i've never been good at the whole "dating game"...and i've been out of the dating sceene for over a year and a half. and the previous relationship i've had only lasted two months..and then before that i was single for four and a half years! and before that i had my first boyfriend for four and a half months...so i'm wondering how do you play hard to get while still appearing interested enough so someone will chase me. lol wow i sound pathetic! and how do you keep a guy for atleast a year or longer? please help ASAP!!
Avatar for atober
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2004
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 10:48am
I am separated and just getting back into the dating game. From what I have seen guys are the same or worse than when I dated in my twenties. I am 38 now. It may depend on the age of the man, the situation (has he been married/divorced, has kids, etc.). Unfortunately there is no easy answer on how to play hard to get while still letting a person know you're interested. It really depends on the guy and how he reads your signals. One guy that I dated for awhile who is also recently separated said he was so tired of going to bars in a certain area where all the girls were "snobby" and looked at he and his friend as if to say if you think you are good enough and buy me a drink maybe I'll talk to you". Now, he is just getting all this from vibes, from the way a person looks around, their stance, etc. He said he was attracted to me immediately because I was very approachable and did not have any "airs" about me. I think it is important not to think too much about how much should I hold back and how much should I show. Just be yourself. If you are playing games when you get a guy you may have to continue to act that way (probably someone you are not) instead of being yourself and if a relationship comes out of it there are no changes to be made. Not sure if that made sense. Anyway, in love/relationships, etc. there are never any definites. If will always depend on the people involved. Sorry, I couldn't give you more help but I think if you just be yourself, you will find someone or they will find you. I am also hoping that is true, because that's what I am doing right now. Good Luck.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 12:30pm

I agree. If you want to play "hard to get" or any other game then expect to get game playing in return. I think it is hard enough to create a trusting relationship without the game playing involved.

I think for any of us we need not to give up our "regular" lives for the potential partner so you won't be playing hard to get but still have a life.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2007
Thu, 07-05-2007 - 6:12pm

Yes — game-playing to the extent that you hide your true personality is bad. But. I'm going to respectfully disagree with the earlier posters, because I think you do have to play your cards carefully in the first month or two of a relationship. I'm struggling with this right now because I just got out of a long relationship, and it's hard to get out of that relaxed mode where you say whatever you want because you know the other person so well. You can't do that with a person you've gone on one or two dates with because you don't know that person.

Most women I know who have successful, long relationships started out by keeping occupied with other things — school, friends, work, exercise — to keep from being obsessed about whether the guy's going to call. And if that's game-playing, by distracting yourself a little bit, then so be it. I don't think it's harmful to either person, and in fact it's a lot more attractive to have a life separate from a boyfriend, even when you are dating someone seriously. I also think you need to maintain some mystery in the beginning, by not telling a guy your entire life history on the first date or two. Leave him something to be curious about. And it's possible, first poster, that you just haven't met a guy who's right for a long-term relationship. I didn't until I was out of college, and that person wasn't the one I was meant to spend my life with, so don't worry too much about it.