Should I try to find my 1st true love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Should I try to find my 1st true love?
13
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 1:38pm
I need some advice. Should I find my 1st true love even though it has been twenty yrs. since we last spoke. I may have found him or his dad or grandad he's a third generation name. We have known each other since we were both 13 and had dated on and off until we were 22. The last time I saw him was when he tracked me down (he moved out of town for a few yrs.) Well I was engaged to get married and he told me "I was making a mistake and he needed the one he loved to wait until he was more steady on his feet" I always felt he could do better than me so I was confused if I was "the One" he was talking about. Well I waited for him to call me and I tried calling him but the phone just rang. I assumed he moved back out of town and 3 wks. later I was married and moved out of state. There has never been a day that I havn't thought about him and he was right I had a terrible marriage we did last 12 yrs. and I have been divorced for 8 yrs. I feel I really can't move on but I am afraid to call that number that I found. Well I did call it once and the answering machine suggested that it was a family and I know that he is probably married that is why I don't want to call back. Stupid huh? Well let me know should I just continue to daydream about him or call and face the truth what ever it may be? And how would I start the conversation especially if I don't know if it him or his family?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 2:26pm

Listen to this Kayekaye -

When my mother was 82 and had been widowed for 20 years she got a phone call from a private detective who had been hired to find her. It turned out to be a guy she'd been "pinned to" (wore his fraternity pin - like being pre-engaged) for 2 years in college. After college he went into the war and they lost touch. Each married someone else. Each raised 3 children. They hadn't spoken in 60 years! He lived in Phoenix and she lived in South Carolina. Well, they got together a few times, fell back in love almost immediately and were married 5 months later. He told her that a day hadn't gone by that he didn't think of her. He was the love of her life!! Unfortuately he recently passed away and they were together less than 2 years but she said they were the happiest years of her life and I think they were.

So....go for it! What do you have to lose? If you don't do it you'll always wonder what might have been...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 4:03pm
What an uplifting story!! It makes one believe in the power of true love and there is someone made for each person (destiny I guess you would call it) What a story to pass on to family. I only hope that I may be that lucky. I have decided to call him Saturday when my kids are gone. I am not sure that I have the right number (the name is common) but it is from the same town that he and his father moved to in the late 70's. Wel I'll let you know how it turns out. Thanks for the heartwarming story!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Sat, 12-08-2007 - 9:35pm

I just came upon your post


So curious....what happened???

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 2:18pm

Well I called what I hoped was his address or his dad's address since they both have the same name. When I looked his name up in the possible towns he had lived in there was like 15 names that were the same the number I picked had an answering machine with his last name stated in the message every time I called I got the answering machine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Sun, 12-09-2007 - 7:35pm

I'm sorry that was a dead end.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 2:07am

Stop! I'm begging of you, stop. I understand at times of feeling lonely that it's easy to go back to the last time we felt good but you need to remember to move forward. If you start looking for this man and start sending PI's to find him you may end up still alone or even finding him and realizing you weren't meant to be together. You have to find someway to move forward with you life and let the past go.

Here....let me tell you a story. My first love and I met when I was 14, everyone said I was too young and I had not lived my life, I panicked and broke up with him more than a year later. Eventually, we came back together a few times, when I was 17 he could not figure out where his life should be and decided to join the army, he would be gone for two and a half years and serve two years in reserves. We agreed to live our lives but not get serious with anyone until he had the chance to come home and we'd be married. I got pregnant on accident and my daughter was born two months before he came home, I eventually married my daughter's father, had two more kids and stayed married for 19 years. It was a horrible marriage, he was abusive and I was terrified to leave, I had no friends because he had isolated me so after one night of him hitting me I turned to my first love. We became friends again and even started to have feelings again, he tried to get me to leave and disappear with my then two children, I was terrified and didn't move with him. He left and called me two months later to tell me he had married his gf, I was devastated. I spent years wishing I had been with him, I'd cry over and over and my husband knew that I wanted to be with my first love. My ex was going through the same in his marriage, minus the crying. Even if my ex had not been abusive my love for another man ruined my marriage. We all live in the same town and we continued to be friendly, his nephew and my daughter were first loves in fact and our families grew close because of it, to the point the family was inviting me to events again. My ex one day asked how it was to see the life I had missed out on. One day the stars must have aligned, my first love had his 20 yr reunion at the same time my husband and I separated, on the same night that my daughter broke up with his nephew who came to me to cry on my shoulder at the restaurant I was at....as we were talking I saw my first love and I dragged his nephew to go talk to him to help console him. As I walked in he looked at his cousin and said oh my god it's her and grabbed me and kissed me and said I love you I've always loved you. Sounds wonderful right everything I had ever hoped for...you're right it was...but I knew he was drunk and he didn't know what he was saying and he had a girlfriend he had told me he was thinking of marrying (we had become friends again). I took him home because he could not drive, and he forced himself on me, I was able to leave and get out but it changed how I saw him, we talked about it and I told him I could never see him in the same again. We stayed friends with some struggle. A year later we both ended up at his cousins house, he again drunk began to tell me that I could not love him anymore because he didn't love me. I was back with my husband and promised him that I would end what I felt for my first love. When my ex and I split I realized that during my entire marriage I was in love with someone and something I could not have so I made the decision I had to let him go. We stayed friends and we are still friends and we talk quite a bit during the week, but the spark is gone. Of course my oldest daughter, 19 and his daughter 11 would certainly like to see something different there is a reason that we were not meant to be together.

I tell you my long story because I spent so many years hoping for something that was never meant to be and we never came together for reasons. When I finally realized I had let go I met a great guy that's better for me than he ever was. It took me almost three years to decide to date again after my divorce, I didn't hate men but I had to figure out me.
My first love and I both have great lives that we enjoy and I'll admit every now and then I wonder still. Everyone around us wonders why we aren't together but it's just not meant to be. LOL although I told him the other day that we would grow old in grey together, just not in the way we expected.

Don't sit around wasting your life wondering what might have been, live your life. Discover you and take some time to find what you are looking for and try on some new guys, as you know many will be duds....but you'll be surprised when you find that one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 3:18pm

You are lucky that you see him from time to time. I expect that he is married but I would just like to see him and catch up if he has kids, if he decided to finish college and become an accountant.


I don't have the money to spend on a PI and even though I remember his birthday I have been warned that some of those web sites only give what is in the phone book which is what I have been doing.


If he really wants to find me my parent's number and address is still the same. I know that so much has changed in 20 yrs. that is how long it has been since I last saw him. I was mean to him in the past I have known him since I was 13. I was always the one that broke up with him. He had tried every time when I got serious with a guy he would try to convince me to break it off. He was right every time the guys he warned me of were abusive,mean, cheating guys. I guess I just miss him always watching over me. He moved away and twice tracked me down so if he still has feelings I think he will try to find me. Thanks for the story you just never know what will happen. I hope you found the right one for you. Best of luck and keep in touch!


Sincerely,


Kaye

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 3:51pm

Thank-you for the tips. I can't afford a P.I. and I know his birthday and when I enter it in the internet search they want money and I received a warning that a lot of those sites just give you numbers from the phone book so I am leary of them. When I got married my then spouse was in the military and we moved out of state. But my 1st love was attending a local college to get his basics and then was hoping to transfer to a state college. I don't know if he did or not. Also he moved when we were in the 10th grade and I am not sure which high school he attended. He always tracked me down after he moved. The 1st time was right after we graduated high school and I was dating someone else, actually it used to be one of his friends so I refused to

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 4:10pm
Wow!!! That is the true power of love! I think I could wait that long if I knew I would find him again. It gives me a glimmer of hope. I just feel that he is thinking of me but I may be wrong I'd just like to find out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2007
Wed, 12-12-2007 - 6:48pm

Oh please keep us posted, I would love to know the outcome!


I had one other thought....maybe your HS could tell you what HS he transferred to? You could tell them you are putting together a class reunion and would like to include him as he was friends with many in your class,

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