How do I approach him on going exclusive
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| Fri, 08-10-2007 - 2:37pm |
This is making me nervous... I haven't been exclusive with anyone in a long time, preferring just to date multiple. Right now I'm seeing 3 guys. 2 of them know I'm seeing other people... One - the discussion has never come up. I have been dating this batch for about a month to a month and a half. It's been hard to juggle them. One knocks my socks off physically. But one does it emotionally. The other is just fun.
I have been thinking about this for about a week now. I think I want to go exclusive with the one that touches me emotionally (yes there is physical attraction too - just not the same chemistry as the other one) The one that touches me emotionally, is the one that doesn't know that I date multiple. I don't even know if HE does...
How do I approach him with wanting to go exclusive??
~ Kim

You could do it in a couple different ways. One would be to go "de facto" exclusive on your part--stop dating the two other guys and focus just on this guy for a while before you bring it up with him.
I personally don't think there's any need to bring up exclusivity before you are on the verge of having sex (but of course everyone needs to find their own comfort zone on that). If he hasn't brought it up by then, I would let him know that you are not comfortable sleeping with him unless the two of you agree to see each other exclusively, and ask him his views. If he feels the same way then you can agree that you're not going to see other people and you're good to go.
If he doesn't, then you can decide whether you want to hold off on sex until he's comfortable with committing to exclusivity, or going forward without it.
Sheri
hey Sheri,
Thank you for your reply. He has been really cool about not sleeping together. He makes little comments about deserving an award and stuff for not pushing it when I'm saying no, but he hasn't asked me why I say no... The thing is, I want to say yes. But if I do, it will mean giving up the other two. Because that is the whole reason I'm not sleeping with any of them, lol.
But then I get scared, and if I give up the other ones, and he doesn't want to go exclusive, then what?? :(
~ Kim
Well, you could bring it up with him first, see what he says, and then decide.
Edited to add: IMO, it's always better to know what someone's thinking rather than not know, so even if the outcome isn't what you hope, at least you'll have more information and be able to make a more informed decision about how to proceed.
Sheri
Edited 8/10/2007 4:18 pm ET by northwestwanderer
Hello,
Its not some sort of 12 step sequence. Just tell him how you feel next time you two are out on a date. The mood should be nice.
I must ask...is there another reason as to why you are choosing "this guy" over the other 2? Is it just because he doesn't know?
Well, just know that as long as there is nothing exclusive going on with a guy...your personal life should be your own so he doesn't have to know either way.
I do highly suggest you let the other 2 studs know the "good bye". But dont end it on bad notes with them either. =)
Good Luck and Take Care
-M, 24