Back into the dating scene
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Back into the dating scene
| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 10:22am |
Was married 19 yrs and now divorced for 1 1/2 yrs. I met a man a yr ago and we dated casually for about a mth. neither of us were ready for a relationship because he too was newly divorced. We recently reconnected and have been seeing each other for 3mths. We are intimate and I have told him that if we were going to be intimate with each other I needed to know that I was the only one, he agreed and said I was. In casual conversations Ive asked point blank what I am to him and his response was he cares for me a great deal, we are great friends and having fun. That didnt sit too well with me but I know he cares by his actions and not a day goes by where we dont talk. Unfortunately we dont get to spend a lot of time together because we both have kids that we are raising alone so we go out once a week and talk everyday by phone. I definitely would like more of his time, have told him this and while he says he wants to also, things havent changed. We had such a wonderful time out this past Friday night and Im finding that my feelings for him are deeper than I had realized. Not only do I want more of his time but I find myself thinking about him all the time, and miss him when we arent together. Im hesitant about telling him because we both agreed early on that we are enjoying each other's company and neither of us is looking for marriage. That hasnt changed for me but I would like more of a commitment, even though I know he's committed to me right now, I just need more. I never expected to feel like this, we are like best friends, talk about everything but since weve become intimate there's a deeper connection on all levels. I don't want to scare him off but I think its important that he knows the way I feel and its equally important to me to see if he feels the same way. He's got so many good qualities that I look for in a man that the good definitely outweigh the bad. Really the only bad thing I can think of is the lack of time we spend together. My friends have made comments to me that if he really wanted to be with me he'd make more time and that hurt to hear. I sometimes feel like that but I know him, they don't and when we are together I have no doubt that he's happy to be with me. I guess I want more, any thoughts?

I don't know about the rest of you....but days are so full and they pass so quickly that before I turn around another week is gone, and then the whole month.
And dealing with kids.....practice, games, events, etc etc. fills the days.
He probably is interested and being honest. I would think a tell tale sign of his "commitment' to you would involve an activity with you and the kids. Is that the kind of signal you are looking for? Three months....in my opinion is a short period of time. He may be ready, but may have determined his kids aren't. That could make a big difference as to where the relationship goes next.
Just enjoy yourself, both when you are together and when you are apart. He sounds like someone worth being patient for.
good luck
I don't doubt that he cares about you and enjoys your company. I think I posted to you on another board about my similar situation--we've been seeing each other for almost a year but things haven't changed with the amount of time we spend together, and I've lost patience so I'm moving on to someone who has more time for me.
I think that if you're going to keep seeing this guy, you need to accept him AS IS. If you need to decide that you can't be happy with what he's offering, then you need to move on. You're not happy with the status quo and he's made it quite clear it's not going to change, so what other alternatives do you have?
Sheri