I don't know how to act!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
I don't know how to act!!!
2
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 12:34am

I've known this guy for over 10 years,but he's been only acquaintances.I'd see him on and off over the years at various gatherings and our conversations were just a polite hello, how are you?

Our paths never really crossed until now! Situation has come about where we now live in the same area, my work is down the street from where he lives, etc... We've rode together a few times in the last couple of months to some gatherings mainly because I don't know this area well.

This past weekend out of nowhere,while we were riding together he started talking like we're "dating"!

I was flattered and felt that we could be a good match since we come from very similar families and background.So I went along with it.

We ended up going to the movies last night. He held my hand and it was sweet. He made me feel like a kid!

Tonight we had a philosophical conversation about relationships over the phone.It came about by him asking me about why my previous relationship ended.I told him about my ex bf going out with other women, putting a profile on a dating site and God knows what else...then he brought up that people are different some are ok with it even though my situation had been different because my exbf and I were engaged and lived together. Then he said he knows guys who date different women and the women are ok with it.He didn't say what his beliefs are,but I got a bad taste in my mouth.

At the end of the conversation,he said, well, you have to take relationships slowly...(I do agree with that)but does slowly mean you date other people? Maybe it does to him!

I found myself feeling defensive because up until that point it seemed to me that we had the same value system,and now I am questioning that and it's making me feel angry.Somehow I feel insulted!I am sort of an old fashioned woman and I was very hurt and blind sighted in my last relationship.

All this probably doesn't make sense! But I sort of want to say the hell with you, but I'm supposed to go to his place tomorrow to fix his computer! Now I don't want to go and feel guilty if I don't because I said I would.

What should I do? Should I just brush him off? I don't want to act a fool. I know there is nothing between us,but I thought there is potential.

I may even be jumping into conclusions. But now I think maybe I'm not healed from my breakup yet,even though it's been over a year already!

Should I just scratch this guy? I don't want any more pain!Life has been smooth since I stopped dating!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 4:54am

My red flags would be up too if I were in your situation. I would feel like he was trying to tell me that he is dating or wants to date more than one woman.


I would just flat out ask him what's up and go from there. You can still be friends, you don't have to date if he isn't at the same point in his dating journey that you are.


Take care and keep us posted.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Fri, 08-24-2007 - 1:19am
Thanks for the reply. I saw him one more time and bottom line I am not getting a good vibe. Now either I'm overly cynical or he is what I think he is, a player!
He is not what I want in my life...