He loves Me? I love him not? don't know
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| Mon, 09-03-2007 - 8:09pm |
Just returned from a church singles event
The girl who rode with me commented on the way home about how obvious it is that a particular someone in madly in love with me.
I guess this really isn't news to me, since he is always so nice and considerate towards me. He is very old fashioned and opens car doors for me, pulls out my chair etc etc. I knew he was "sweet on me" for several months, and we have gone out a few times. I feel very comfortable with him too. He is funny and easy to talk to and with. We met in January, had one date in Feb, and then not again until May. So it has been quite a few months. We do not talk on the phone all that frequently or that long.
The reasons why I don't think we could make a go of things is that he is very overweight...but I could stand to loose a bit of weight myself....so I am not really being fair. I have told him over and over again about how much I love my life the way it is right now. I have a great job, super relationship with my kids. I have a home that is mine that I love, and I am having a lot of fun attending the singles events. many of which he also attends. We dance, chat, eat, and enjoy each others company.Now although my kids are grown he has an 18 yo that lives with him who recently graduated from high school, yet does not have a job. So are parenting differs greatly. The boy is a good boy, but really he needs to have a job. He also, has no assets. Now don't get me wrong, I don't want someone rich with a lot of money. But he has no retirement. I carried my X financially for so many years, I want someone who at least comes into the marriage with "Something" $$$$$. He rents---has never owned a house etc. For the past 14 years he has worked as a security guard a truck delivery driver, and other jobs. He has more recently returned to a job similar to what he was doing when he was in the military.
I guess I am writing because I knew he really was interested, but I guess I never realized it was so obvious to others. This is sort of freaking me out.
I like him a lot as a friend. I don't know if there is more to come with this relationship. I am fifty. Divorced for nearly 10 years. This is my first dating experience since the divorce....(I married my high school "sweetheart") So I am really out of practice with this sort of thing. There are time I seem to waffle back in forth about him. I mean, I have seen what is out there....and he is not that bad in comparison. He accepts me as I am and is very supportive---this is very new to me since my X was an abuser. All of this is very very nice. And there is a part of me that thinks, this may be my only other chance not to live the rest of my life alone. Yet, I just don't know....I certainly don't want to lead him on. But the attention and all is really really nice. Oh, I feel like such a babbling teenage girl!!!
Thanks for letting me voice my thoughts. any comments are welcome.

IMHO--
Just because someone is attracted to you doesn't mean that you have to be equally attracted or that you have to get into a long term relationship with him. It is natural for you to feel flattered and excited by his interest, but it really doesn't sound as if you find him attractive.
You mention that you don't like his looks (he is obese), you don't share his views about childrearing (and possibly about the importance of work) and that you don't feel comfortable about the fact that he doesn't seem to have saved much or to have a solid "career" of some kind. Some people may fault you for thinking of these things, but I will argue that you are perfectly right. As we get older, we need to consider retirement, and a partner who has not saved can be a drain on the resources of a partner who has been careful with his/her money.
Anyway, the point is that you like him but you don't find him sufficiently attractive for a long term relationship. It sounds as if you enjoy his company and so forth, but it doesn't sound as if you have been encouraging him to get closer to you, to phone more often, etc. And that is probably a signal that he has picked up.
It is always hard to have someone more in love with us than we are with them. (It's even harder to be the one who is more in love, but that's another topic.) However, you don't have to make a commitment to this guy just because he likes you and you have no one else.
I am in my fifties also, and I'll tell you: I'd rather be alone than settle for someone who isn't right for me. This guy doesn't sound right for you.
Hang in there.
Clara