May I share something ....(sorry long)
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| Sun, 09-09-2007 - 11:25pm |
I have only visited this site a few times. I have read and learned a lot, and shared my own concerns.
I have set up quite a few roadblocks.. for any man in my future. Some of which are based on past experience and others on my own desires.
What type of roadblocks? Well...
1.He would have to be tolerate of a multi cultural/racial family. (Since my children are involved with persons of varied heritage. And my grandson..is as we gently and loving mention is "swirled".
2.I will NEVER sell my condo. I will rent it out or stay and continue to reside there.
3. He needs to have career and financial stability.
4. His children need to be grown or nearly so.
5. Of the same religion and stong in his faith.
6. I have post traumatic stress disorder--causing personal space issues--so getting close to someone physically is daunting.
there are quite a few more demands/desires I want, but they are far too personal to share her. Suffice it to say they are dear to me and very emotional and spiritual.
Honestly when I posted awhile back, I posted because I was being pursued. Seven months ago he came on very hard and fast....and scared the bejeebers out of me. Nope, not interested I protested. LOUDLY and PROFUSELY!!! As friends we maybe went on 2 dates--3 max. We both continued to attend the single activities, so we would see each other there. I had purposefully avoided him at many of these events. I was social with as many people as I could. I was having a blast!!!
Two weeks ago while traveling 7 hours to a singles weekend event--which he did not attend, I talked with a girlfriend about all the reasons why I was not ready to be in a relationship. Eventhough I have been divorced for 9 years--from an abuser. (I started attending the church singles group activities in January-to have fun.) I love my life the way it is! I love not having to compromise or discuss how money is spent, or what color to paint the living room, or where or when to go somewhere. I love sleeping smack dab in the middle of my queen size bed. I love not cooking if I don't want too! I love managing my own affairs. I don't want to make considerations for someone else and what they want. I was even fairly specific in my comments in regards to this guy.
I've stressed over this guy over and over for 8 months now. Trying to assert that we are just friends--afterall, we had only been on 3 dates, and in group events, no phone calls-just to chat, no physical contact other than dances and hugs. There were no sparks--if you get my drift. There are both good things about him and not so good. And I had lots and lots of concerns about what this all means. I convinced myself I was over thinking thing but didn't know what to do.
And then it hit me!!! The Stress was caused by all the boundaries I had put up. There was an epiphany=if you want to call it that. Where I ever so clearly understood the barriers had to come down and I am justto go with the flow. Shortly afterward--like minutes, I saw him in a totally different way. I saw all the wonderful things about him, which I had previously discounted. He did and said things which I have never shared with anyone. He seems to "know" me. He accepts me totally and completely. Oh, and I was at times very rude and cold to him....yet he saw through it all, was patient and understanding, never pushy or demanding. I saw my failings and how imperfect I am, and that I was asking far more of someone else than I was expecting from myself.
So why do I share this with you lovely ladies.....because I was prepared to spend the rest of my life without remarrying (I am 50)...and now I am thinking there may be a possibility. Not only that, but this experience has been so remarkable that I actually want to be married again! I miss him when we are apart. I look forward to his calls. Etc. It's like being a teenager again! When I think of him now, a peace comes over me, one of sheer contentment or knowledge that this is all good. I am amazed at the change. I marvel at how differently I view things.
If any one of you were to write this, I would think to myself--yeah right! Are you kidding me? If someone would have told me he was the ONE! I would have laughed hysterically.
But I want you to know IT can happen!!! The bitterness can be gone, in what seems like the twinkling of an eye. I don't know where this will end==marriage? who knows. But for now I know this....that it is right and good, and where ever it leads is exactly as it is supposed to be.
I wish you all the best....if this relationship doesn't work....I know this board is a place of support, where I will be welcome should I need to return.
My best to each of you.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful and uplifting post!!! I do hope that wonderful things come your way through your new outlook and your relationship!!
Take care and keep us posted on how you're doing. ;0)