Just Sad. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Just Sad. :(
13
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 12:38pm

I have no real question here.

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-22-2007 - 12:50pm

It's not that he's not interested in you (because if that were the case he wouldn't call or talk to you at all), but rather that he's not willing or able to give you the amount of time and attention you want in this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 7:46pm

I know how you feel. When you want more attention than the other person offers, it can feel very lonely. I think you are also feeling like you made a mistake to "let him in." I think maybe you feel that he is rejecting you, like the guy in your earlier relationship did.

Maybe he isn't. Maybe he really is busy. But like someone else said, he just isn't interested in you the way you are interested in him at the moment. He wants to be with you, but something else is more demanding of his time/attention. Maybe it will pass and maybe it won't. Since you are experiencing so much pain from his not being more interested in spending time with you, maybe you should end the relationship.

A while ago I was dating this guy that I liked, but he just didn't make as much effort to spend time with me as I thought he should. So I complained about it, and he got all angry and defensive like your guy did. And then he started calling me less and less until I finally gave up on the relationship and moved on. Sometimes I wonder if he would have stayed around and had more interest again if I hadn't complained that we weren't doing anything together.

Dating is sure hard sometimes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 9:24pm

You two were so sweet to take the time to reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2007
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 9:33pm

Hello,


I just read your post and it's very similar to what a couple of my friends have just been through.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 1:25pm

How long have you two been seeing each other?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Fri, 09-28-2007 - 3:32pm

Hi, I can totally relate to what your going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Sat, 09-29-2007 - 10:35am

I haven't had that much experience, but in the case I was talking about, I just let it go. We had not had a fight or anything (except when he got angry/defensive) and he obviously didn't want a confrontation. I told myself that he was not going to call and I stopped expecting him to call and I didn't call him.

I kind of like to have closure too, but with this guy I felt that he really didn't want to tell me that we were through, and to bring it up would just cause us both pain.

One thing I do to "move on" is to plan activities with friends and/or try to date other guys. So I started doing a little online dating, and I met a couple of guys from a discussion group I was in (one was "attached" and although I was very attracted turned out to be a bad bargain, so I don't see him any more). And I try to go to parties and church events and so on. It's telling myself that I am available and that the guy I thought might work out just isn't available. That's how I "move on." Attitude is everything.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:26pm

I am sorry to hear that you are feeling sad.

Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 4:32pm

I read every one of the replies and you are all so great to reply.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2007
Tue, 10-30-2007 - 4:45pm
As you can see, you aren't the only one that this has happened to. I've been divorced for several years, and it seems the only way I ever date is online. I am middle aged and I work with mostly women. I have been so hestitant to try and start over again. I've had many online dates, but it's so hard to find chemistry with someone, and it's good to be selective and somewhat picky. I don't fall for someone that often and it sounds like you don't either. The few times I do show interests in someone, they are like your guy, busy. All these rules about dating now, don't call, don't email, etc. Men have these rules books too. As women, we aren't supposed to calmly say anything emotional to a man anymore. We have to watch what we say, do , etc. Whatever happened to being yourself. I think you were yourself, if something is bothering you, or hurting you, how is the man supposed to know unless you somehow tell him. I am glad you told him how you felt. He wasn't meeting your needs, and yes, what is wrong with wanting some attention? You don't sound needy or anything, but lets face it, we need some attention. If you bring it on strong then pull back, any woman would feel short changed. I liked a guy too a few months back, he never called, emailed once in a while, and he was a flake. I am sorry you had to go down this path, but you aren't alone. He doesn't want a formal break up, he's avoiding it. The best thing for your dignity is to just let it go. Remember being with someone is supposed to make us happy, not sad, and I don't think you did anything wrong.

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