A RESPONSE IS REQUIRED!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2007
A RESPONSE IS REQUIRED!
6
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 4:55pm

Let me start off by giving a little bit of my history.


To make a long story short, I fell in love for the first time at 22 years of age (I'm 24 now). Prior to him I was somewhat of a free spirit. I didn't want to be in a relationship, I really enjoyed being single (as I am doing now) & its always been very difficult for me to develop feelings for anyone. This guy was wonderful at the beginning of our relationship & for the first time I had found someone who I had profound feelings for.


After about 5 months of being together he confessed something that made me really distrust him (I wont get into detail). But, after that our relationship was a downward spiral. We would break up and get back together and the cycle continued for a year and a half. He played a lot of mind games with me and ended up hurting me so much that it has taken me a year to not feel sad every time I think of him and our relationship. Even now, I will still feel some regret and sadness once in a while.


Throughout this past year I have dated several guys. Each one better than the next and all of them showing a large amount of interest in me. However, I can't bring myself to like them enough to have anything serious with any of them. I always find something I don't like about them around the first or second date and ditch them soon thereafter.


My question to all of you is: (1) Has anybody ever been in a situation similar to mine? & (2) Is it possible to fall in love that strongly again?


I'm really enjoying doing all the little selfish things single people do along with all the freedom but I do feel like somewhere along the line I would like to fall in love again. Since falling in love is so rare for me (in comparison to my peers/friends), I wonder is it possible for this to happen to me again and as deeply as the first.....


HOPEFUL!


Jackie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2007
Fri, 10-05-2007 - 8:35pm
Absolutely you can fall in love again. You sound like you have a great outlook...so many women feel like they have to have a mate all the time. The right one will come along again. You'll know when you found your soul mate for life. Keep the faith
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Tue, 11-06-2007 - 1:37am

I'm 50 and I can tell you I truly wish I had been like you in your twenties. You need to stay free and easy, date alot, if someone doesn't create the magic, say it's been great, but need to move on. You sound very secure in yourself, which few women in their twenties are. Usually they are looking for a man to fill an empty spot and they become doormats to the guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
Wed, 11-07-2007 - 2:39pm

did someone mentioned that there are lots of fish in the sea?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2007
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 9:31pm
I have been in basically the same situation, I was with the guy just shy of 5 years, I was head over heels in
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 8:50am
Hi Jackie, sounds like you are still greiving/healing from your ex, to where you have not let go to be able to move on completely. When I say completely, I mean enjoy the men you are meeting and not be picky to where you find things wrong so that you don't date them no more. I know what you mean by that, because I have been pulling that for about a year too because I broke up with my ex going on 1.5 years and thought I had let everything go. Well I didn't because I was judging men from the get go when they showed interest to where I found reasons why I did not want to date them. With one-on-one counseling as needed due to prior unhealthy marriage and toxic relationship - I have completely grieved/healed from the marriage and I would say pretty much so now from the toxic relationship. I am now much more open to meet men and not judge them from the beginning. It's like I didn't want to get involve with anyone. With one-on-one counseling as needed has helped me grieved/healed/moved-on. I was just talking to my counselor a week ago and expressed to her a comment that was made to me which is as follows "you are a beautiful lady, why are you not with anyone, are you swatting the men away with a flyswater". I thought wow, this man had a very good point and I would say yes, I had been swatting men away in trying to find something wrong and saying I don't want to go through what I have been through. This comment really opened my eyes. My counselor told me that I was hurt very bad in the last relationship that I needed time to heal and come around, that it was okay if I didn't want to date and/or be in a relationship right now. A little history on last relationship - ex had a drinking problem, was abusive physically, controlling; and it took me four times to break up for good. He was still say how can I do this to him, meaning breakup, he did not see the picture when it came to drinking. He did try to contact me every now and then through phone and sent me a card last summer - I did not return the contact. Breaking up with him was the best thing I could do for myself. I have not regrets and/or wished I would haves because what matters right now is that I am not with him. As far as love, I was not in love with late husband when married, thought I could fall in-love with him while married, and guess what, I didn't. I would say a big reason I was not able to because he was physical/emotional abusive which really distant me from him. Well when I met my last ex (the one referred to in this post), boy I fell in love, it was so special, what I felt with him I had never felt it with anyone, no even my late husband. Of course, you and we all can fall in love again. From what you said earlier in post was that as you meet men each one is better, there you go, you will meet the one when you least expect it who will be awesome with you, love you unconditionally, and you the same in return to him. Do not give up on love, love does exist and it is very possible to learn how to love again, especially the right man. You might need a little more time to grieve/heal from your last relationship to be able to move on - take a little time for yourself to sorth things out because you have had to let everything to be able to accept someone else and give to that person too. I wish you well. Take care and sorry for the long email.

Anna


Anna

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2005
Mon, 12-10-2007 - 2:25am
Hmmm...I get that! My husband of in the end 19 1/2 years left me for a girl six years older than our oldest daughter. Stayed single for three years and was quite content, my girls started to worry about me. I got so comfortable being single that I had no desire to find someone and when I tried I normally pushed them away. I finally decided to start seeing someone but I admit I'm having a hard time trying to not flake out and run. Not sure I'll ever want to be with someone for anything more than a companion.