Back to the Dating Game

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2007
Back to the Dating Game
11
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:01pm

So I've been talking with this great guy. We met about a month ago through a friend and the next day he got my number/email from a friend and immediately contacted me. We went bike riding that weekend and had a good time.

After that I didn't hear from him that much..maybe once a week. After the bike ride he initiated the texting but we hadn't really gotten together that much after that. A few weeks later I told him I was going somewhere and he showed up at the place I told him I was going and we had a great conversation. Ever since then i've been in contact with him (texting) almost every day. I mentioned another bike ride possibly this weekend and instead (which really shocked me) he asked how about a movie?

Soooo, we are going to dinner and a movie this Saturday. Did I mention I AM TOTALLY NERVOUS ABOUT IT. It's hard for me to focus at the moment i'm so nervous about it. I know it will probably be fine and as soon as the date starts I am usually calm but I haven't been on a "first" date in a while (almost a year, a guy I dated broke up with me in Feb.). This guy seems really great and we have a lot in common. He is slightly older (I am 24 and he is 32). But I don't act like a normal 24 year old. People say i'm mature for my age (i don't know if that's true or not). I'm pretty mellow and go with the flow and people said age is just a number. He has a great since of humor and I am just looking for words of encouragement to calm me down! Or possible tips on landing a 2nd date if all goes well. People have told me: don't snort when you laugh (like i do anyways), don't trip, don't fall, don't choke..blah blah blah..those are absolutely NO HELP! So any words of encouragement...I would greatly appreciate :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 2:47am

I hate to break it to you but in my book you've already had your first date when you went bike riding. ;0) Therefore, there is no need to worry about landing a second date because you already have!!!


I think that you're off to a great start with this guy so try to focus on that, be yourself and have a great time. As far as things not to do.....the most important thing is don't talk about your past relationships or your ex bf's. I always had trouble with that, I talked WAY too much about my past relationships and it turned guys off. I learned the hard way not to do that.


Let us know how your date goes. I hope you have an awesome time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 10:02pm

Ok, so I went on a date with this guy, and it went well..I think. I can't really tell with guys..they're SO hard to read. Here are some of the things that happened that kind of stood out (time for the analyze the date game):

Some of the good things:

1) Of course he paid for everything, dinner and a movie. I offered to pay for dinner but he said that he was paying.
2) We talked a LOT. We had a lot of time to kill between dinner and the movie so I got to know a lot about him. (he doesn't curse or drink)
3) He put his arm around my chair when we were eating (though I'm not sure if this is a big deal or not, some guys just do it anyways to stretch or something)
4) At the end of the date when he took me back to my apartment he said "I'm glad we got together"
5) He also made reference to the fact that we need to play volleyball or go biking again.
*I don't know if he was saying these things just to be nice or what? Sometimes guys do that

Some of the questionable things:

1) We saw a guy he used to play golf with at dinner. And this guy introduced him to his wife, but he (my date) didn't introduce me (it could have been an honest mistake, it's not like he was trying to hide the fact we're dating b/c we ended up at the same table as they did..Japanese..where they cook in front of you. He probably just didn't think about it)
2) I felt I was being tested. He was really firing some hard questions at me to see how i would react such as:
- What would you do if your husband watched football all day? (All the guys at the table were trying to figure out what had happened with a football team that day..they all had their cell phones out, getting up to check the tv, etc. I looked at the wife of the guy he knew and kind of rolled my eyes and said "Boys" in a joking way) I don't remember how i responded..I think I just said something like..I don't know..watch it with him i guess.
- What would you do if you had to cook for your family? (We were killing time in a bookstore before our movie and i was looking at cook books. I had previously told him i was a horrible cook and didn't really do it.) I think I said..well I'll just have to learn then. He later told me he doesn't mind doing dishes but he hates to cook.
- He asked if I drink..and I do drink but I don't drink that much. An occasional glass of wine. He asked if I got buzzed and I said that I am a lightweight so when I drink a glass of wine I just get really happy and friendly and a little flirty.
*This questions were throughout the night..they weren't like one right after the other

He didn't really touch me at all..like try to hold my hand or kiss me or anything, which I am fine with. It's not that I didn't want him to, it's just that this was our first "real" date and I like to take things slow and I think he does too. Though he did hit me on my arm a few times. I can remember once when i was coughing in the movie (I had an itch..i hate that..to see if I was alright, and then again near the end of the night b/c i was biting my nails and I told him earlier it was a bad habit of mine)

He's very laid back and really into sports. He's definitely a jock. We also talked about differences b/t girls and boys and I said that I was "low maintenance" and I don't think he believed me. He said he hadn't met a girl yet that wasn't high maintenance. He said well if it's true then you're the first girl i've met that's low maintenance. He also didn't believe me when I said that I like westerns (we saw 3:10 to Yuma)..i think he thought I was trying to impress him, which wasn't really the case. I like action movies.

Also, one last thing. We didn't get back till almost midnight b/c we had seen a late movie. He lives about 45 minutes or so away. He was yawning and saying 'I hope I can make it back without falling asleep.' I got a little worried and made sure when he was dropping me off that he would be fine to drive back. I guess I could have offered him my couch if he needed it but i didn't think he would accept anyways. So I felt kind of guilty about that. I texted him this morning to see if he got back ok (but i remembered he doesn't get good cell phone reception at all where he lives..we kind of live in the country), so maybe I will hear from him tomorrow..who knows.

Sooo I don't know what he's thinking at the moment. Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 5:25am
Just an update: I texted him Sunday to see if he got home ok and he hasn't texted me back and it's now Tuesday
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:11am

From your previous post it sounds like your date went well. I think I'd give it a few more days and then I'd email or text him again to say hi, how's your week going.


Hang in there.....I know what a pain waiting can be. Keep us posted. ;0)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 8:57am

I see some red flags here and I think you do to because you listed them as "questionable".

First, it was rude and inconsiderate of him to not introduce you. He didn't have to say you were on a date or call you a girlfriend. If he's not excited and amped to show you off, then why is he with you?

Second, you WERE being tested. Your answers also let him know that you would become subservient to whatever he wants. You would be willing to watch sports all day rather than pursue something that interests you. You would be willing to learn to cook even though you don't enjoy it. You enjoy the occasional drink, but because he doesn't, you would stop. You essentially give up pieces of you and 20 years down the road, resent the hell out of it.

Third, it was insulting of him to call you high-maintenance and lump you in with all other women. He essentially called you a liar and displayed his disrespect for women in general. He obviously doesn't see "you". He called you a liar twice (high vs low maintenance and not believing that you like action movies).

Fourth, his feigning at being so tired he can't drive home was another test to see if you'd invite him in for a sleepover. You haven't heard from him, because he didn't get the nookie he was looking for.

Cease with the text messaging and don't call him. Text messages are not conducive to romance. They are impersonal and require no effort. Next time you start a new relationship, tell your dude that. If they really want to go out with you, they will place an actual phone call because they will live for the sound of your voice.

Dump this guy. He is looking for a mother to cook for him and someone that he can control that will let him do as he pleases. He is not worshiping you and you deserve to be made feel special. If you can't count on your man to make you #1 in his life from the get-go, he sure as hell won't do it down the road.

If you don't enjoy or understand man's obsession with sports, you resent the time he spends doing it. He will blow off time with you, your family, potential kids, and chores that need to be done to watch 'THE GAME'.

With the next new guy in your life, don't hide the real you. Admit you don't like to cook, but don't offer to do it just to please them. If they hate to cook too, you can learn together. If they aren't up for that, then stick to your guns. You do not want to become a domestic slave. Don't do their laundry. Don't clean up after them. Don't make their life a cake-walk unless they are showing the same effort for you. Again, you'll be resentful as you start feeling taken for granted.

Guys don't change for us, so why should be change for them???

Sorry if this sounds harsh, but learn from the voice of experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 12:42pm

I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-1999
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 1:53pm

"waitingtowalk" has some very good points. Definately do not hide who you are. If they don't like who they see then they aren't meant for you.


Just because the text message said it was sent, doesn't mean he got it. In my area, you have to subscribe to text messaging in order to receive the message. Unless, of course, you already KNOW he has text messaging on his phone.


~Dana

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-19-2007
Fri, 10-19-2007 - 9:08pm

I don't know if

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2006
Mon, 10-22-2007 - 12:47pm

I've been back in the dating game for 2 years now, and each time I learn something new, with one of those lessons being almost identical to yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-02-2007
Sun, 11-04-2007 - 1:19am
I've been back in the game

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