So sad...I can't find a date at all!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
So sad...I can't find a date at all!
9
Sun, 01-27-2008 - 4:50pm

Hi Everyone -

I don't know if I need help, or if I just need to know if other people out there have experienced this (I mean, surely they have...but I feel like the only one...)

The relationship with my former fiance ended over a year ago. I've not been on one single date since. I am dying to find a relationship - I'm so lonely and depressed it's horrifying!

First, I feel utterly invisible to men. I think they see me long enough to avoid bumping into me...but apart from that, no one ever approaches me or starts a conversation. I can be out with friends (and I DO go out), or at work, or at bars, or church... I'm not staying in my apartment all the time, I really am out and about. But men just never, ever approach me.

There are a couple guys in my building that are single, and we've spoken "hi, how are you" in the elevator...but they never seem interested enough in continuing the conversation. If I felt a hint that they were interested, I'd ask them out myself, but I am alomst certain they would say "no".

I tried doing the online dating thing. In 2 weeks 130 men have viewed my profile, and I've probably gotten 5 emails. I email them back, and after a couple exchanges, they just go away. No one ever asks for my number or asks for a date.

Except this one guy...we chatted a few days, exchanged personal email addresses, and he asked me if I wanted to meet for coffee. I said "sure" and suggested Sunday afternoon (today). Then he never replied...when he did reply it was to say he'd been busy, and was getting read for a trip...blah, blah...but he never said anything about going out later when he gets back.

I feel like I'm emitting some sort of "anti-men" pheramone. It's weird because I've had relationships in the past -- I've been married once before, and engaged two other times. I'm capable of being in a relationship. I would be considered attractive, average weight, successful, talented, capable... I have great friends who I love and who love me back. I just don't know why I'm having so much trouble connecting to men at this point of my life.

It feels just awful!

If anyone can commiserate, please do. I'm eager to hear your stories and how you overcame it.

Thanks,
Shannon

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 1:08am
Hello.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 9:17am

Hey Two Dozen Roses -- thanks for the response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 7:06pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2008
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 2:07am

Hello.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2004
Thu, 01-31-2008 - 8:29am

Hey Z-Money & Two Dozen Roses -


Thanks for the posts --

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 8:36am

Hi

I am in the same boat. I am over 40 and am invisible. I have tried the online thing and good guys are not interested in me. Most are looking for "physical attractiveness". Well thats what I don't have. It all seems like a joke. I have resolved that I will be single for the rest of my life. One marriage to a man who wanted a beauty queen.. then I aged. Two engagements to men I was not attracted to or in love with. I decided not to settle because I would make their lives miserable. There are a lot of single older women. We just have to grin and bear it. It is sad that I don't have love in my life. I wish I had it. But does a man really love a woman? I think they just love the sex. And, they can only have sex with a beauty queen. That's the only women that makes them want sex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2005
Mon, 02-11-2008 - 10:14am

"The relationship with my former fiance ended over a year ago. I've not been on one single date since. I am dying to find a relationship - I'm so lonely and depressed it's horrifying!

First, I feel utterly invisible to men. I think they see me long enough to avoid bumping into me...but apart from that, no one ever approaches me or starts a conversation. I can be out with friends (and I DO go out), or at work, or at bars, or church... I'm not staying in my apartment all the time, I really am out and about. But men just never, ever approach me."

Those two paragraphs, Elmira2004, explain a lot about why you are not successful. I'm a guy, and let me tell you, it's no different for us.

Let me be blunt. No guy wants to be with a girl who is so lonely and depressed it's horrifying. Would you want to be with a guy who is so lonely and depressed it's horrifying? Really? Imagine what that would do to his personality. Is he the guy for you? I doubt it. I suggest you forget about dating for a while, and work on you. Figure out what you want, and work at making your life fulfilling in itself. When you are happy with yourself, enjoy what you do, enjoy whoever you are with, I think you will find that men are lining up to have a chance to be with you, because being with you is a far more enjoyable experience.

Yes, it's true that guys prefer highly attractive women. Women also prefer 6" tall, dark haired, attractive and rich men. You can't change who you are. Take what you got and make the best of it, and I think you will find that it is enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:07am

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2008
Sat, 03-08-2008 - 11:25pm
Hey have I got news for you - I found my crutch - a SHI Symbol and it works for me. It gives me something to focus on, chat about, break the ice with and the guys are happy to chat about something inconsequential too. As long as you give out the good vibe about yourself, you'll find it easy to find something to chat about and before you know it you are getting along. I'm with a few of the other posts, work on yourself and love yourself and you'll find it even easier to meet more guys who you'd like to get to know a bit more. Check the SHI Symbol for Singles out and see if it's for you. There are lots of ways of using/wearing one and it is specifically for us Singles. I was just replying to a post from Kaolanco who is in a similar boat to us in trying to meet some nice guys. We are empowered, let's do it. Have a go!