Dating More Than One Person

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Dating More Than One Person
19
Fri, 03-21-2008 - 10:17am

What are your thoughts on this? I started dating again recently after a break-up. I don't want another relatiosnship right away. Now I am not talking about sex with anyone just dating more than one person. What are your thoughts and what is the etiquette?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2007
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 2:34pm

 Z

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Mon, 03-24-2008 - 10:25pm

Personally, I believe that if a guy (or girl for that matter) are triggering a feeling of clinginess, it's a signal that the relationship is unbalanced. Usually when a girl is convinced of a man's interest (which, tada, is a by-product of him BEING interested), she doesn't feel needy/clingy.


I do understand there are exceptions, there are some people that are very co-dependent and I have been on the recieving end of a few guys like this. However, I wasn't all that into them and I think they sensed it, thus the clinginess/neediness. I wasn't giving them what they needed (enough interest) b/c I was not interested.


I personally will go on a few first dates with a variety of men if I am in a non-exclusive relationship, but usually if I like someone enough, my heart isn't in it, and by forcing myself to date others, I feel even more for the one I am dating first and foremost.


I just don't enjoy it. I know I am behind the dating times, but, lately, I just don't care about dating at all. I see nothing wrong in being a little bored by most of what's out there and what a lengthy process and investment of time a relationship is.


My 2 cents....

Gal Blondie

Gal Blondie

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-25-2008 - 2:24pm

It's the smart thing to do IMO.


I wrote this on another board this morning:


"Also, it takes time to get to know someone. Why would I commit to only dating one guy and foreclose other options, when I have no idea if we're going to be compatible once I get to know him well enough to determine that? I feel that's especially important at our age--if I was 25, I'd have all the time in the world to sequentially date one man at a time but I don't feel that way now.

Multi-dating also keeps me from getting too emotionally attached to one particular guy until he's shown me he's highly interested in me and I've learned enough about him to make a preliminary determination that we might be a good match for a LTR."


As for the etiquette, my default is "don't ask, don't tell".

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 11:35am

Thanks for the reply. I was thinking about the don't ask don't tell thing. See I only have a couple nights a week that my schedule allows for dating, so I want to make the most of it!


I am interested in your analsysis of the people I'm dating


Guy #1- My ex boyfreind. We datd for a year and had problems due to the fact we were both going through divorces. Both of us are now free and he called me a couple weeks ago and we have gone out 3 times and things are definately way better. He was the one that I broke up with and it took lots of time to get over, we still care deeply about each other and want to try again. No sex right now, as we want to reconnect the right way. Talk daily


Guy #2- Is a Jamaican guy I spend a week with while on vacation in February. He got his visa and is coming for a visit for 2 weeks in June. He relaxes my mind. body and soul. We talk on the phone several times a week and write a lot. Sex the last two days, hot and passionate


Guy #3- Meet him 2 months ago at the ago. go out once a week talk several times a wek. Sweet, stable, cute, no sex yet.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 11:40am

Dating more than one person is something that I HIGHLY recommend. Why? B/c you're more likely to NOT put all your eggs in one basket, and your emotional involvement will not be focused on ONE person. This is 'GOOD', b/c it will give you critical TIME, to really see this person for who he really is, WITHOUT a TON of emotion attached, that can sometimes BLIND a persons rational thinking.


I like the not putting all eggs in one basket, but free that I will have to make a choice at some point


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 11:43am

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-29-2008 - 12:56pm

Hmm...the Jamaican guy complicates things ;-).

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Sun, 03-30-2008 - 11:35pm

Jamaican guy could be serious. We talk several times a week and he is coming for a visit. We is sweet, awesome looking and has a very different way of looking at life then American men do. Honestly, if he were here, he would be the only duck in the pond.


Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:49pm

Well, in that case, it sounds like you need to keep things non-exclusive with the other guys until after his visit.


I saw your post on the other board--I'll be interested to hear what guy #3 has to say (I'm assuming that's the guy who saw your vacation pics).


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2006
Wed, 04-02-2008 - 7:33pm
Well, since I am now back together with my EX, July ought to be interesting as hell.....Methinks that Jamacia guy and I will have to be friends only

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