Trust Issues: Unforseen Anxiety

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Trust Issues: Unforseen Anxiety
3
Tue, 06-23-2009 - 3:39pm
I recently met a man online, and we clicked immediately. Our first date was wonderful, and we are on the same page when it comes to what we want out of this relationship. We've been seeing each other now for almost two months, are exclusive. In previous relationships, I had experienced, I have been cheated on. However, this guy is straight up.
The issue is, I am going on vacation, a girl thing that I planned 6 months ago. In my previous relationship, the guy cheated when I was away, consistantly. So now I am finding I have anxiety about going away. I know it sounds irrational but I recognize it as a trust issue. I thought that I'd be over it, but I think I still have those trust issues. I've not mentioned this to him, as it's MY issue, not his. I never realized that trusting someone is easier said than done. As much as I know this guy is a keeper, I still can't help myself from wondering when he is going to get tired of me.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-24-2009 - 2:19am

One thing I've learned in therapy that I've found very useful is to "talk to" my irrational thoughts in a logical way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Tue, 06-30-2009 - 2:30pm

I love what Sheri said: "...But knowing in your heart that you'll be ok even if this relationship doesn't work out makes it a lot easier to "feel the fear and do it anyway"...

because those of us out here dating know how tenuous a connection can be, even when all is going well.

And of course you want to do it anyway. Even with the trust issues, no matter your past bad experiences. They're two different men, after all.

There's really nothing you can do anyway. Meaning a cheater will do his thing, whether you're at home in your bed after a day at work or on vacation 2,337 miles away from him.

The trust thing takes time. I think you're wise to recognize this as your issue although it could make for good conversation down the road when you're ready to be a bit more vulnerable. Perhaps.

The big deal for me is matching a man's actions to his talk. Actions talk every time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 11:44pm

Well, actions did speak louder than words. See my post - Disappointed yet again - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rldategame&msg=958.1&ctx=128

But I have to say, I've no regrets, and I've learned, and this time I stood up for myself and didn't compromise.

Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.