good first date, and a follow up email.
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| Fri, 07-10-2009 - 10:55pm |
hello everyone,
i met a clever man online about 6 weeks ago. we emailed back & forth, exchanged photos, we had witty banter, he called me several times, and he really did the chase thing. we finally had our first date in person last friday, and it was fun and we laughed, and had dinner, and he drove me home and kissed me at the door, and i did not invite him in, because it was our first date, and i like to move slowly. the next morning he emailed saying he liked kissing me very much, and he even shared the fact that he got "very sexually aroused during our kiss goodnight." i emailed back and said i liked kissing him too, and that maybe we could practice again? he emailed later that night, and said "well, what are you up to tomorrow night?" and i emailed back and said, "well, i already have plans to go out to a concert tomorrow night, but, see you another time?"
he did not email all week.
i sent him a funny email card today, (not sexual), and he emailed back saying he has been very busy at work, but "what are doing this weekend?"
now, to me, this is not getting asked out. and furthermore, it's a last minute, half assed inquiry.
i told him "if you want to go out with me, you must give me at least three days notice."
he emailed back saying, "oh well, i guess you are busy again, bye"
people out there: is this guy an idiot? or is he just not into me? or is he just not polite?
i feel very confused. i did like him, and felt i could get "into" him.
btw, he and i are both in our forties.
input, please!!
thanks,
lime

I'm in my 40's, too, so I don't come at this with a kids viewpoint.
First, please dispense with the "three day" rule. I know those "Rules" ladies came up with that, and I understand that you want to convey that you don't do things last minute, but I think sticking hard and fast to the "rules" is counterproductive.
For example: tonight I had a first date with a guy I met on-line. It was really nice. At the end we took a walk, and while we were walking I mentioned a flea market that I had always wanted to go to that is in a town near him. He immediately asked, "Do you want to go? I was going to see if you were busy tomorrow, but I can wait until Sunday."
Now, that is clearly not three days notice. My point is, he wanted to see me again, and this time (2 days) might seem last minute to you, but to him it opened an opportunity for something to do.
As for your guy...I think, even though you made out a bit, his declaration that he got "excited" via e-mail is a little odd, but from what I can see, he's asked you out about two times and your "rules" have made you say no.
Part of dating in the modern world is you have to be a little more spontaneous. On-line guys can go to the next girl on the list VERY easily. You snooze, you lose, so to speak. By asking you out, he was into you, but if you are strict about your rules he's going to lose interest fast.
PETULIA, would you please give your 2 cents as well? thanks.
Your doing well and by the sounds of it you are also in control. May I suggest you agree to the next date he asks you out? Third time busy might mean you are not interested and dont want to see him. Its takes time to know a person (infact a lifetime). Sounds like a guy who is keen on you and if I was in your shoes,
I don't think that you are too old for the Rules, I just think that the book was written a while ago by two older women. Sometimes, yes, holding back a bit is the right thing to do...after all you don't want to put all your eggs in one basket, only to be disappointed later, as well as not letting the man have all the control.
But some of them are downright silly because getting to know someone requires, I think, flexibility and openness. If someone calls you with a last minute offer, it may not be because they aren't planning and thinking about you, it may be that some time opened up for them, or an interesting activity popped up and they thought of you when they were looking for someone to join them.
Yes, there are guys who do wait until the last moment because they are looking for something better or they are just jerks, but in my experience, they are the ones who won't commit to getting together on a Friday until Friday afternoon, and in the time between dates won't tell you what they are up to.
Dating at our age is the pits and lots of guys do behave like babies. But some don't, so you reaallllyyyy have to weed through them.
Are you just looking for a fling/casual sex?