he said ILUVU on date3 & then went cold

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2006
he said ILUVU on date3 & then went cold
2
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 6:41am
I have gone through majority posts to avoid starting a new thread on something similar but there isnt nothing adressing my issue

3 weeks ago I met a nice guy at a friends party and we hit it off from hello & he ended up taking my number & before I got home he texted to see if I got home safe which I felt was nice of him. Our first date was 14days from day one, our second date on the 16th day and our 'final' date on the 21st day all of which were great dates (may I mention that he turned late on all of them). It was all so good the times we spent and I gave him all the time and opportunity to chase and I let him ask me out on all 3 dates. Never at any time did I show desperation or neediness/ infact on the contrary I have busy weeks and so many activities on.
On our 3rd date he said he loved me and that he had told his closest friends about me. Honestly this took me by suprise; definately made me uncomfortable but I never showed this. The date ended on a high and I went back home sure he was a nice genuine guy/ a guy that I could like more and more and perhaps love eventually.

Thats was it guys! No calls No texts Nothing! From a guy that had proclaimed love & a guy who had never missed a day to contact me. Why would he all over sudden go cold? Its been over a week since our last 3rd date and I am not sure exactly whats happened?

So I tried calling - missed call - I then texted if 'he was talking to me' and he come back with an sms ' I am sorry to make u feel the way u r feeling right now. I am going through a harsh personal set back and I wanted to tell u but I will deal with it and I'll be fine. Its nothing to do with you & I care about u & shall respect your wishes if u never want to speak to me ever agian'
I texted back in the lines of 'am here to speak to and you can tell me anything. take care'
No word from the man that supposedly loved me up to date. I have gone online on msn but he always goes offline immediately.

On the day I met him he mentioned that he had gotten off a rlship and was deeply hurt by his partner. I told him that since it had only been less than 4 months since they broke up he should take all the time needed before jumping into a rlshp with anyone. Later on our 2nd date I repeated this and he asked me 'how long do you want me to grief'. Clearly I was of the impression he is over the ex and was ready to date!!!

Honestly I have written him off? "When words and actions disagree, trust the actions" one post on here notes & "I will know whether a man is committed because he will make it known" - anything short of this really is unacceptable. Your advices will be greatly appreciated.
x Cardbury x
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 07-11-2009 - 11:09am

He's just a big selfish baby. To say I Love You on the third date is childish, because while he probably got off on it, it leaves you in a weird emotional state.

He doesn't even know you at that point! And then to ignore you and tell you he's going through a rough spot? Baby, baby, baby.

He said it, he immediately regretted it, blew you off to make himself feel better, tells you he's "going through something heavy" to make you back off...puh-leeze.

Run, don't look back. If he behaves like this, you do not, I repeat, do not need this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Mon, 07-13-2009 - 4:13pm
Just why DO guys say I love you so quickly? The same happened to me. The guy tells me he loves me after only about 3 weeks together. I too was surprised. Then I went away on vacation with girlfriends, came back and he called the day after and told me he was stressed about our relationship, that he couldn't stop thinking about the future, etc, etc. I asked him point blank why he told me he loved me, and he said it was in the heat of the moment (we were sitting at the breakfast table, so I can't imagine what he was thinking!). I realize it's immaturity and I told him that love wasn't something that you just blurted out because it feels good. I told him that I didn't want to date someone that was not emotionally on the same level as me. I'm hurt all the same. I guess I believed this guy.
Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.