Left wondering what happened
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| Tue, 07-14-2009 - 11:15am |
Confused.. Dated a great guy for about 6 weeks. It was fabulous in the beginning, great chemistry (emotional, physical, personality) we spent tons of time together...he was very affectionate, and it seemed to be going down the right path. All of a sudden around july 4th, he got distant, and had a "guys weekend". I was fine with that, and we talked about things after the holiday. Both agreed we would keep it slow, and get to know each other, see what happened. Three days later, he came to "say hi" on the way to the gym. He proceeded to tell me that he couldn't stop thinking about our conversation the other night. He said, " i really like you/am attracted to you, and am physically attracted to you like you wouldn't believe...but something's missing and I don't see this going anywhere." He furhter went on to say, "i want to hang out again, but I think I need time for my feelings to die down.' I was shocked. I ddin't get mad or upset, just kind of shellshocked, and I honestly didn't believe

I think we've all been there. If you read some of Petulia's and my previous posts, we refer to "Toxic" men. They come on super, super strong, make you feel like you found "the one", then one day...something changes. I guess it can come in various forms...they like you, kinda want to be with you, but they are confused...WTF?
Classic commitment-phobe behavior. He doesn't want you, but by being in places he knows you go, he's keeping tabs on you to make sure you don't move on. Keeps dipping his feet in the pool, so to speak.
It's immature behavior and you should not accept it. You have every right to go where you want and not worry about his nonsense. My toxic creature wasn't a liar, either. I really do believe that he loved me...in his very sick, twisted definition of love. To him, words don't have anything to do with actions.
Right now, I don't have anybody in my life...if I wanted, I could call him, he'd be over in a flash, we'd have a great day and then he would disappear like Caspar the Friendly Ghost. And if I pointed out this ridiculous behavior, he would tell me I need to chill out and just enjoy the moment, putting the "problem" on me.
You don't need to be treated this way. It stinks and constantly leaves you wondering what you did wrong. It's hard, but try to move on. Trust me, it feels crappy at first, but when you look back you won't regret it.
I too found myself in a similar situation this past week. Same scenario, except I was the one that went away, when I came back, he said he'd been thinking about the future and then gave me reasons why I wouldn't fit in his. I truly thought this guy might just be the ONE. When he vocalized his fears about our future, I told him point blank that I wasn't willing to wait until he 'thought' about having one with me. I said that I was worth much more than that, and that he had some growing up to do. I want a man who is emotionally on my level, and I deserve nothing less. It hurt like hell, because I'd started to fall in love with this guy. But in the long run, he didn't have the staying power. I'm better off. And you will be too, just cut the strings with this guy, do things that make you happy, and as time passes, you'll get over him.
It's a pretty common phenomenon for guys to rush ahead and jump in with
Can't help but comment here--excellent advice from the posters.
Interesting, too, how the FWB thing can slowly evolve...I see it happening when you've had any kind of intimacy and don't get called. That's just plain rude and disrespectful. It's also an important sign of a man who knows how to keep that distance working for him. In fact, I think a whole lot of these guys have taken Distance 504, the graduate level course.
Perhaps you'd do well to give your Friday bar routine a shake-up, just for a bit. Who knows, you might meet someone new and nifty at another spot.