How many contact an ex after the breakup
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How many contact an ex after the breakup
| Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:32am |
hoping to date again. Usually I never contact beaus (too proud) after we split, but as I've aged (I'm new to dating again after a 25 year marriage) I find myself willing to humble myself if I feel there is still some potential, if the breakup was essentially over a misunderstanding.
Anyway, my question is: How many of you have done this and succeeded (re-connected if only as friends maybe)?
Will he see me as desperate or will he be touched? Will he be flattered? Do men respond well to pleas for second chances?
redhead in Dixie

I would consider a few things if you want to do this. First of all, whose decision was it to break-up? If HE broke up with YOU and hasn't asked to get back together since then, then he's not interested. You need to move on and accept things in a situation like that.
Secondly, why do you really want to go back? Is it really because there was a misunderstanding, or is it just the post break-up blues causing you to miss him? It's normal to miss somebody after the break-up and to want to find excuses to go back, but that doesn't mean it's the smart thing to do. If you'd been feeling for a while that the relationship wasn't going anywhere and you should end things, then chances are you're going to regret going back.
Finally, is this the first time the two of you have broken up, or does this keep happening? If it's a one time thing, it may be a misunderstanding. If it keeps happening, that means you're stuck in a bad cycle and going back will only continue the cycle.
Now of you're the one who broke up with him,, you're pretty sure you're not going back for the wrong reasons, and this is the first time it's happened, then I think it's fine to see if he's willing to give things another shot. Just be prepared that you may not get the answer you want. You have to be sure that you are willing to accept a negative response before you ask. Also, if he says he's not interested in giving it another shot, don't pressure him into things. It will only make you seem desperate, and if he gets back with you under those circumstances, his heart wouldn't be into it anyway.
Admittedly I did that with an ex, with unpleasant results, but here are some links that may help you:
Can you really be friends after a breakup?
Do guys want to stay friends after a breakup?
Should You Keep in Touch with Your Exes or Cut Ties?
Love Boards
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I am guilty as well. I recently ended a two month relationship. During the week after, I was feeling down and contacted a guy that I'd dated before. We'd only dated a bit, and the ending was pretty mutual. He was too busy with work, and I refused to chase him.
When I contacted him, through email, he was thrilled. We'd had good times together, especially the physical side of things. However, as the emails went back and forth, I soon realized that all he really wanted, and was excited about, was the prospect of getting me back in bed.
There's a reason things don't work out with someone. And with this guy, it was obvious. I ended the emails and told him that I wanted more, same as before and wished him well. I also gave myself a break. I'd contacted him because I was lonely. It's a human thing. But at least I realized it before it went any further.