Is this ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Is this ok?
4
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 8:53pm

Hi all

I have been dating this man for about 5 months. I enjoy going out with him, I am attracted to him to an extent, but I don't have strong feelings for him. Every so often I get vibes from him that imply he is more "into me" than I am "into him."

Well anyway, this led me to have a conversation with him. I told him how I felt and where I stand. I told him what I had mentioned in the first paragraph above, along with me not wanting anything serious, and that I can see myself dating other men in the future. He suprised me by implying that his feelings were similar to mine. He may want something serious in the future, but he is not at that point.

So we are still dating, going out, having fun, and creating memories. However, I don't see our relationship blossoming into anything more. I try to keep an open mind b/c we do like each other and I enjoy talking to him every day and seeing him on weekends, but realistically speaking, he's not my ideal guy.

We also sometimes refer to each other as friends, while other times we refer to each other as boyfriend/girlfriend.

Is this OK? Should we have more sturdy grounds since we've been dating for a # of months already? What are your opinions?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: shark447
Wed, 07-22-2009 - 10:46pm

I think that if you are enjoying his company and there's no misleading going on (which it sounds like there isn't), and (most importantly) he's not preventing you from keeping your eyes open for someone who might be a better match, then why not enjoy yourself?


Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: shark447
Thu, 07-23-2009 - 8:15pm

I understand what you are saying, and I agree.

However, I wasn't sure if it was appropriate being involved with someone when my deepest instinct tells me it's not going to end "happily ever after."

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
In reply to: shark447
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 10:56am
If your ultimate goal is to find your life long partner, and you already know this guy is not it, I would say its perfectly fine to keep dating as long as it does not interfere with you finding the guy the really want. So you should be putting in the normal amount of time in your pursuit of Mr Right and not letting that slack off too much from spending time with him. Also I don't know about the idea of referring to yourselves as BF/GF. You would not want that to get out to potential Mr Rights! :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
In reply to: shark447
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 1:00pm
Yeah. I would say keep dating him for fun but don't refer to him as your boyfriend. That way you'll be available to be with other guys that you meet. I had this happen with a guy and we slowly stopped dating but became good friends instead. We would even accompany each other to bars and shows and all that and would sort of be "wingmen" for each other, lol. It was a really nice transition into friendship and there were no hard feelings between us. Could happen with you two also.