The Dreaded "Exclusivity" Conversation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
The Dreaded "Exclusivity" Conversation?
4
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 4:08am

First off, I jsut wanted to say hi to everyone. So glad I discovered that ivillage has message boards.


So I had a couple of questions about dating someone exclusively. First off, how long should you be dating

Kelly
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008

Be prepared to get a LOT of advice, all VERY different. Sort of a blessing and a curse about these boards.

Anyhoo...I think one month might be a little soon to bring it up. Seems like most people on this board average about three months...some take a little longer, some a little sooner. I think you need to examine why you need to be exclusive - are you looking to sleep together, or are you just feeling insecure?

I understand the insecure part...I mean most of us are dating to find 'someone' and when you think you may have done so, you want to confirm that NOW. You don't want to worry.

But again, I think a month is too early, and from what I understand (and that ain't much, trust me) if HE asks to be exclusive this early that's one thing, but if YOU ask to be exclusive he might bolt. I think most guys take a while to make a decision on these things.

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 11:03am

It does seem a little soon to me too. Unless you have been seeing each other very very frequently in this month. Maybe try to think if this desire comes from your feelings about him, or more so that you are afraid to lose him because you think how long will it be until the next really compatible guy comes along.

I guess once the time comes to bring up the exclusivity thing, just maybe ask him how he thinks it is going between the two of you. lead into it that way. It may prod HIM to actually put it out there first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Fri, 07-24-2009 - 12:55pm
I agree that you should wait another couple of months and then maybe you can ask how he feels about you seeing other guys. I'm actually in the same situation as you but I've been dating my guy for two months. I'm thinking that by the end of August I should get a better idea of how he feels about being with me. I'm hoping he'll want exclusivity cause that's what I want with him :) Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Thanks for all thr great advice. I was thinking that it was probably too soon, but wasn't sure. I think part of it is insecurity. I sometimes feel like this is kind of doomed to failure. He's a Marine and he'll be transferring to a permenant duty station in California and I'll be shipping off to Navy basic training about the same time. Ironically enough, after training, I'll be stationed at the same place as him, but I have advanced training after basic which is going to take a little over a year and I'll be in Florida for most of it. I wasn't planning on any kind of serious relationship because of this so I'm not sure where these feelings came from. I'm usually very guarded with my feeligs. I think part of that might have been spending the night at his house, which might have been a mistake. Not sexually speaking, but there was a lot of cuddling and talking and just plain old intimacy and after 24 consecutive hours of that, well...yeah. I'm just so confused, but thanks to you girls, I'll definitely wait for another couple of months and see where it goes.
Kelly