new guy confusion

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2008
new guy confusion
3
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 12:50pm

The short version is I met a guy online and we talked for about 5 or 6 months online, then

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 12:24pm

I don't know....he doesn't sound very stable to me. I'll bet he was embarrassed cause of his living situation but there seems to be more to it. He flip flops on his decisions and his emotions it seems. Do you think he is really ready for a relationship right at this moment? Maybe you need to spend more time with him in person to see what he's really like. I'm only suggesting that because you must like him a lot if you're asking advice about him. Honestly, he doesn't sound like someone you should be in a relationship with right now but decide that for yourself and see how he acts the next month. If he's ignoring you still, move on.

Do you feel comfortable asking him straight on what his problem was? Cause that would be the quickest way to get to know. Sorry...I feel like I'm all over the place with my opinion :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2008
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 1:28pm
I wanted to talk to him- because I wasn't feeling the same about things after that last weekend. But, he still hasn't contacted me. When he didn't respond to me the first day, I gave up. There is no need for me to look stupid. If he ever talks to me again, I will probably be too angry to discuss anything. Because you're right...he seems as though he is not ready for a relationship altho that is exactly what he was saying he wanted- and with me- all that time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:17pm

I'm responding before reading the other responses--am a bit flabbergasted by the whole story. Not shocked, not judgmental, not even surprised, not really. There ain't a whole lot in the dating world that surprises me these days.

You barely know this man. You REALLY barely know this man, especially considering he didn't come clean about his living situation before your arrival and made no arrangements for his son's or your comfort level during your visit.

And are you really serious about *noticing* a change in his behavior towards you? My heavens, woman, this man has a lot of stuff on his plate that he needs to deal with--that is so obvious, it's remarkable you're upset that he's pulling away. A serious, committed relationship doesn't seem an appropriate priority for him. He has other MAJOR concerns.

Look, I don't mean to be harsh, but there's no point in tiptoeing around the subject. Add up the facts of a 4-hour commute, room rental kept a secret, child concerns, and lack of real communication, and what's left? Difficulties.

You'll be doing the work here, as evidenced by your past weekend activities on his home turf.

Find someone closer and less encumbered and chalk this one up to a valiant try but no cigar.