HELP: Why CAN'T I Forget Him Totally ..

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2009
HELP: Why CAN'T I Forget Him Totally ..
3
Wed, 07-29-2009 - 10:40am
Hi:

I am new to the relationship message boards.


sad.gif Ladies, how hard is it to run into a man that you used to be involved with? Someone you might run into every few weeks?

This is a man who used to be so crazy about me, he would light up when he saw me, would greet me by saying, "Hello Beautiful, or Hello Gorgeous", and was so interested in talking to me, and spending time with me.

It has been about a year and a half now since we stopped seeing each other....I know deep down that it was definitely for the best....we probably wouldn't have lasted in the long run....but when I see him, and he starts talking to me; those old feelings which seem to really fade some days, just come to the surface again.

Is it normal to still feel this way?

This is a man who seemed more at ease talking to me just last fall; when he said he still thinks about me and misses me. And earlier this year he was still very comfortable talking to me.

But just a couple of months ago, I started to notice that when he speaks to me he is not the same. We are just very polite with each other, asking what's new, and how are you doing? But after he walks away, there is a small part of me that still misses the way he used to be with me and wishes he wanted to talk longer; and even treat me in that special way that he did before. sad.gif

Sometimes it is like I am talking to a different man; someone who would avoid talking to me if he could. It is hard to believe that he is the same man who approached me, wanting to get to know me; a man who had these strong feelings for me.

It still stings a little; it is as if I never really mattered at all.

Why can't I just toughen up and behave like a man; and treat him the very same way?

You know, get involved, but not too emotionally involved, have fun with my partner; and then when I get bored, let him go. Do to men what they do to women. Why do I still have to care, instead of feeling nothing for him at all?


Men seem to find it so easy to turn off their feelings and turn away.


I know it sounds crazy, but what would you do, and how would you handle it?

Is it normal for a man to behave that way; even if you are no longer involved and, if so, why?

Thanks,


Jillian




Edited 7/29/2009 10:41 am ET by jillian-2009
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 10:06am
I'm sorry for your pain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 07-30-2009 - 11:12am

Welcome to the boards! (((HUGS))) I'm sorry for what you're going through. Maybe these articles will help?


How can I get over him?


Get Over Him: Eight Tips for Surviving a Breakup


Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Fri, 07-31-2009 - 2:31pm

Hi Jillian and welcome to these boards; I think they're a big help--most of us have gone through some version of what you're experiencing. I know I have--still have fantasies about the guy.

I have a few thoughts:

"This is a man who seemed more at ease talking to me just last fall; when he said he still thinks about me and misses me. And earlier this year he was still very comfortable talking to me.

But just a couple of months ago, I started to notice that when he speaks to me he is not the same. We are just very polite with each other, asking what's new, and how are you doing? But after he walks away, there is a small part of me that still misses the way he used to be with me and wishes he wanted to talk longer; and even treat me in that special way that he did before."

Maybe it's his way of coping, that is, distancing himself. I don't think it's a man/woman thing and I don't think there's a norm. It's personal, your personal way of coping that counts here.

The other thing is that it's helpful to avoid analyzing too much. That's ME, the great analyzer talking. I have a really difficult time NOT analyzing, so I don't offer this up lightly.

You've got to WANT to move on, in spite of yourself. Go through the motions, stop contact. In your case, perhaps a quick wave and walk on by. Yup. You've got to do what's best for YOU. And if that means distancing yourself from this man, well, try it.

Any chance you can begin dating others? Amusement always helps.