initial impressions
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initial impressions
| Sun, 08-02-2009 - 11:01am |
Hi,
I was wondering how long it takes others to form an initial impression of another person with whom one is on a date, and whether people can generally shake off any initial negative impressions.

Actually, this is something I wonder about too, I think it's a good question.
I would say in the OLD world, I have tended to make very quick "judgements," and rarely has it changed as I got to know the man better. I don't think for me this is a case of I don't think he's "good enough" for me, just something seems off (or not right for me)--or worse, a real turn-off. But, I also like to give the benefit of the doubt to a man: if I'm even a little interested and have enjoyed talking to him, I'll generally go out with him after the first meet. It seems to me that in the OLD world, there is a tendency to speed things up...either speed up to get involved or speed up to dump them. I know I hate to lead anyone on, and I'd rather not have someone lead me on...but I think it can be hard to know what to do sometimes.
The thing is, I think there are a million little things that you notice about a person upon first meeting, things that are tangible and intangible. I don't know how you cannot let these things color your opinion. For instance, if I met a man for the first time and he made a crude racist comment, that would tell me something (bad) about him.
I'm not sure what you mean about someone's age: if you are meeting from OLD, you already know their age (unless they fudged it). I suppose from a dinner party you wouldn't know their age, but don't know what it is you are wondering about?
I would not count on the first impression as the end-point of your assessment. It usually take a few meetings for me to see if someone is worth getting to know further. I would go on a second date with a person if I feel any
This is a REALLY good question. I am trying not to do the same thing. I will just look at someone and decide right then and there if I want to even speak with them. I imagine if you are on a date with someone that you can run through a whole list of reasons why NOT to like them. I have to say, that alot of this is probably fear. If you find excuses not to like them, you will not feel rejected if they turn you down or things just do not work out.
However, I think this is slightly different than a "gut instinct." If I have an initial instinct about someone, at least
I'm pretty good at getting over bad first impressions and the best way I do that is by forcing myself to hang out with the person for at least one or two more times. Usually by the third time I hang out with them, I can tell if my initial impression was correct or not. THEN, use that experience and apply it to your future dates. You'll get better at judging how people really are.
Also, try to give your dates the benefit of the doubt. It takes some people awhile to break down their walls and show their true selves. Practicing compassion and patience can help uncover great new friends or lovers.
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Well, on the one hand, I've found it takes time to really get to know someone and friendships / relationships often turn out different than you expect.
On the other hand, I know by the second encounter whether or not I am romantically attracted to someone and if there is chemistry.
I met my 2nd DH at a Parents w/o Partners meeting ( we were both going for the new members orientation) and my first impression was "I could never like this guy." Three months later we started officially dating and then we were together for 8 yrs, so obviously first impressions can change. My 1st impression was based on the fact that he had longish hair (which I'm not attracted to) and a full beard. I didn't even know yet about his tattoos (which I also don't like). lol So I think that judging someone too much by their appearance could be a mistake. Of course, there are people whose appearance would be a total turnoff, but then why would you ask that kind of girl out in the first place?
I do think that on first dates, people are generally nervous if they haven't known each other before, so maybe it's not really fair to judge them that much. You can tell if someone is a real jerk or if you have absolutely nothing in common, but if you're on the fence, you might want to give the girls a second chance.