too comfortable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
too comfortable?
5
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 9:31pm
I've been dating this man for 9 months.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: honnee09
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 11:52am

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: honnee09
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 11:53am

To me, it seems like if you are only spending EOW together after 9 mos, he doesn't really want a serious relationship, he wants dates. I am saying this from my personal experience w/ meeting my 2nd DH--we both had kids from the 1st marriage. He had his DD all the time since he was a widower and I was divorced, so mine were w/ their dad EOW plus 2 nights a week. By the time we were dating for a few months, we were doing things together w/ all the kids (that might have been rushing it, but the kids were little at that time, so it was either do things w/ them or get babysitters). I admit that I drove to his house more often, just because my kids were at their dad's, so one night a week, I would go over his house & he would make me dinner, then another week night, he did get his MIL to babysit and we would go out. Eventually we were in this routine of I would spend the weekend w/ him when my kids were gone and when my kids were home, he & his DD would spend the weekend at my house (I even had an extra room for his DD).

You didn't say what the schedule was like w/ his kids and how old they are--does he have them all the time during the week or are there some nights when he doesn't have them? If he is free some nights, how about asking him if you can spend more time together & see what he says? You do have the right to know if this rel. is going anywhere or if he just wants to keep things the way they are forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
In reply to: honnee09
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 12:14pm
I don't have much experience with this exact type of situation but is it possible that he's just lazy? I swear I have dated some guys who were just plain lazy about making an effort in relationships because stuff had come to them too easily in the past. Especially the guys who never came across a girlfriend who actually made them WORK to keep the relationship moving forward or working at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2009
In reply to: honnee09
Fri, 08-07-2009 - 10:04pm

Let me see if I can add a little to make this easier to understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
In reply to: honnee09
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 12:18pm
Maybe you could back off first and see what happens. If he doesn't respond the way you need him to, then have a talk with him. But he seems comfortable with talking things out so if you feel comfortable with it, ask him straight out.