There's *old* 60 and there's *young* 60
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| Wed, 08-12-2009 - 8:28am |
I'm posting this because it shows my superficial side. And also it helps me think more clearly. Not to mention that if anyone out there thinks I am being unreasonable or mean or thoughtless (no, I don't really think I am that), you'll tell me. I thought this guy was interesting.
Met an older guy two nights ago. When I told a friend of mine about the experience, she couldn't stop laughing. "He's not that much older than you are!" And she's right.
In fact, as he was relating a story about a woman friend of his, he mentioned that she was “around OUR age” and I cringed. I was very aware of cringing, thinking how dare he? I’m so much younger than he is...hahahah.........whahhhhh....and yet I knew the truth. Inside I was laughing at myself.
Actually, the guy is in good shape, talked a LOT about meeting fat women, seems it’s against his religion. OK, he’s not overweight, but he has a bum leg, as he called it, and type 2 diabetes.
He told a story about long-distance dating a woman 22 years younger, who’d fly in from Michigan every few weeks (they hit if off from the first meet!), and how he told her right from the beginning it wouldn’t work. When I asked him why he thought it wouldn't pan out, he explained that she had family, friends, bla bla.
Sounds like excuses. That lasted about 2.5 years. Broke up about 3-4 years ago. He’s been divorced 25 years. Geez, if that didn’t work out, what would? He shoulda grabbed that one whilst he could.
I'm sitting, thinking, analyzing, trying to decide in my mind if I'm interested in seeing him again. He's retired six years, talked about playing poker online for hours, gets caught up in it, gets bored in the winter, hates the cold, yeah, the fat women who lie about their weight, and he did a good solid ten minutes on his former career as a bridge engineer, learned it on the job. No degree.
So, the meet is ending, I stand up and he grabs a railing to heave himself out of his chair. I'm figuring his "game leg" won't support him. Yeah, he's sort of limping in the parking lot and I'm thinking about how this guy won't be hiking with me at the state park. Oh, poo.
So at my car he VERY awkwardly tries to move into kiss position, but maybe it was his leg, who knows. Just plain not smooth. A bit of saliva on his mouth. “How about a good night kiss?” didn’t help.
“Well, we’ve just met. We really don’t know one another.” That was the most polite I could muster. Total turn-off. This tipped the shall-I-meet-him-again scale.
When he asked if I'd like to go out again, I’ll admit it, I couldn’t tell him I didn’t want to see him again.
Writing all this down helps. I don't want to be a superficial person who chucks a man off because he's missed a belt loop or wears dorky shoes.
Ayyy, this ain't easy. I've read so many stories here where women and men agonize, trying to decide if they want to give someone another chance.
What thinks you?


Hmmm, well, you did say you thought he was "interesting."
What is it that is making you wonder whether you should see him again? The awkward kiss attempt (including saliva)? His bum leg that won't allow him to hike with you? Did he just seem "too old."? The fact that he's been divorced for so long?
I don't think it's superficial AT ALL to "pass" on a guy for even intuitive "I don't think so" feelings. I feel like if you can't get even a little excited about seeing someone again, truly what is the point? But I know from your posts that you have met waaaay more men through OLD than I have...I find meeting a lot of guys* kind of exhausting, so I have a low tolerance for giving the benefit of the doubt and then cutting them loose later. I really hate that. But that's me.
*not to mention that there aren't all that many in my area!
I'm kinda laughing cause I'm 52 and my ex is 54, but he seems very old for his age--of course, he has many diseases, which he had when I met him, which was in 2000--GERD, high blood pressure, bipolar disorder (that was the most fun for me), bad knees from doing floor installing for 20+ yrs (and kneeling down) or maybe it was from years of martial arts, too, now since our separation, he also has some kind of stomach cancer & diabetes! The poor guy is falling apart. I just saw my 82 yr old uncle at a party w/ his NEW GIRLFRIEND! and he seems peppier than my ex. I guess I wouldn't be too hard on someone for having a bad leg since I'm not one who is very into doing sporting events or things like that--I can see that someone who enjoys hiking, biking or stuff like that would want someone who keeps up.
The thing that I couldn't stand is someone who is retired and can just sit at home all day playing on the computer. Because of being divorced twice, I know that I have to work until age 66.5 to receive the maximum SS benefits. I just couldn't stand having a rel w/ someone who 1) had no interesting things to talk about because he didn't do anything all day and 2) where I am running around and tired from work & kids, he's just relaxing? No!
" . . . Total turn-off . . . I’ll admit it . . .
See how you feel in a day or two.