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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Next round!
9
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 4:52pm

It seems that when I go on an email frenzy on match, either no one responds or everyone responds. This last round, virtually (no pun intended) everyone responded! Yikes. Here are the contenders:

Male, 54, two little kids, divorced five years, not hysterically funny but OK, has a decent job, owns a home, lived abroad, we are probably meeting on Saturday.

Male, 45, divorced, two kids, in law school...also very funny, but he's a Republican, voted for Bush, and I am a die-hard Democrat. He wants me to call him while we're both on summer vacation!

Male, 50, three kids, divorced, teacher like me. Seems OK, still in the early stages.

And my personal fave...male, 50, divorced, one child, artistic, very funny, very chatty, we're meeting on Sunday.

What makes me nuts is that my odds are still not great in finding "someone" even with all the attention! And Mr. Toxic, having his amazing radar, is trying to get my attention again. He seems to have a sixth sense when I am going out with others. Ignore, ignore, ignore...some guys just don't get when they have a good thing! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: startover96
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 8:17pm

OK, one is already off the list. He sent this to me about an hour ago:

shouldn't meet. While there was certainly some connection, I feel that our lifestyles wouldn't click, especially the fact that your kids are with you all of the time. Rather than getting into the why's and why nots, suffice to say I'm firm on my priorities at this point in my life, and know this wouldn't work.>

He could have thought about this in the hour + we were on the phone? And the fact that HE has a kid?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: startover96
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 8:29pm

Oh, no. Was this your personal fave?

Yeah, I don't get it if he has kids too..what's his problem with that?????

Pfffft.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: startover96
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 11:42am
At least you only wasted the hour on the phone w/ him. Maybe he only has his child EOW and has a lot of free time. But in that case, why didn't he pay attn. to the fact that you have kids? I really don't think guys pay attn. as much as women do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
In reply to: startover96
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 12:20pm
Well hey...at least he told you this before you met him and got a crush on him. Yes, I don't think men pay as much attention to those details at first either. One down, three to go, right? Maybe you'll meet even more by next week.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: startover96
Fri, 08-21-2009 - 10:47am

Yes, he was the fave, especially after the phone call!

An interesting observation about men, kids and dating. In my experience, the men who are more "hands on" with their kids (i.e. shared custody or really regular visitation) are much more accepting of the fact that I have kids. Men who have been divorced since their kids were infants (and are now teens) or who visit, but not regularly, kind of act like they don't have kids. On the one hand want to be congratulated for being a father, but they behave like they aren't.

And I have now had about 6 guys tell me I'm great, but the fact that I have kids 24/7 is no good. But then again, many of these guys are still mad at the ex!

The other thing is that my kids are teens, they don't need me at home all the time, I have the freedom to go out any time...but I guess it also means that I'm not spending the night anywhere but home!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: startover96
Fri, 08-21-2009 - 10:12pm

Yeah, but phooey, all this kid stuff can be worked out. It's so rare to really connect with someone...still...if that fave guy didn't see it working even BEFORE you met him, well, er...forGET that turkey man.

Hey, there's women with grown kids who come home to roost in their twenties. Probably men, too. Who knows these days what'll happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: startover96
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 11:08am

What is so interesting about guys with kids is how they describe their relationships with their kids in their profiles. The ones who have blown me off because of I have kids go on and on about how important kids are to them. I guess that means when kids are convenient.

As to my list of email men:
Law student man turned out to be a nut after the phone call. Hasn't worked in years, excuse was that he was Mr. Mom. However, his kids don't live with him any more, yet he still won't get a job, and he's only in law school part time.

Teacher man continues with the most boring emails on the face of the earth, so I can't figure out anything about him.

Older man with shared custody of kids is still on the horizon, he tried to make a date with me prior to him going on vacation with his kids this week, but we both agreed it was trying to do too much, so we will meet next week.

But now a new guy has popped up, he's great via email, similar outlooks on a lot of stuff, but he's separated, on the way to divorce, so I am a little leery. Crazy about his kids, though, and not concerned that I have some (he comes from a huge family).

This is a lot of work. I'm so glad school starts again next week, so I have something else to focus on than getting a date!

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: startover96
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 5:41pm

Funny about the kid thing.

I was contacted by a self-described "successful lawyer" a couple of weeks ago. His profile wasn't all that fleshed out, but one of the things he said was that his daughter was the most important thing in his life and that he was looking for a woman who would enjoy and love her (she looks to be teenaged in the photo). I wondered if he wants a girlfriend or a nanny for his daughter? Perhaps men put that "I'm all about my kids" in their profile so women will see them as good fathers---?? I don't have any kids myself, so I've wondered if perhaps a woman with kids would read this stuff differently? I know I'm veering off the original topic.

He asked right away (via email) if I wanted to meet. I answered perhaps next week. I never heard from him again. Guess his daughter needed him. :)

FloridaGirl has very thick skin now and doesn't worry about this stuff.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
In reply to: startover96
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 8:26pm

What's up with that ask to meet then never hear from them again? It's happened to me a few times.

Fathers and kids...it's interesting because my ex blew off a visit with my kids this weekend (And when he called to 'explain' he pretty much said the kids should feel bad for HIM!), so I am kind of sensitive to it.

I think these guys say they are all about the kids to make it seem like they are nice guys. It's when you talk to them and find out that a) the kid isn't speaking to them b) they havent' seen the kid in months c) they are constantly bickering over money and other kid issues with the ex that you wonder why they even mention the kid in their profile.

I barely mention mine, but make it clear they are there and they live with me. So some of these guys are clearly not reading the profile, or they assume that since my kids are with me 24/7, I'm looking for a daddy for them. Too bad they make the assumption and don't bother to ask the question!