Is he playing hard to get, or what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Is he playing hard to get, or what?
17
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 4:30pm

So I was talking to one of my guy friends about my situation with a guy that I've recently started seeing. Recent being less than a week. My guy friend told me that this guy is playing hard to get and I'm falling for it, when it should be the other way around. Now, I'm not new to dating, but I always thought it was the women that played hard to get, and the guys who chased them. I've heard lots of guys say they don't like to be chased, cause the women lose that "mystery". I'm not sure if I should take how he is being recently as not interested anymore or if I should still try to talk to him/make plans or if I should back off and wait for him to come around.

We hung out on Friday night for the second time, where we kissed and cuddled, and he asked me if he was gonna get to see me this weekend, I told him maybe, but said it in a joking tone. Before I left, he kissed me. He im'ed me the next day on Facebook and we talked a bit. I asked what his plans were. He told me and goes, why? what did you have going on? Since I had nothing to do, he said I could go to his shop with him but the guy didn't end up being there, so we didn't go. I invited him here, and at first he said maybe, but wasn't sure, then later he said he wasn't gonna be able to come since his room mate had the truck, and they share it. I asked if he wanted some company and he said no cause he was still kind of cleaning and gets easily distracted.I told him I'd talk to him later since he was busy.

So what gives? Is this guy just all of a sudden not interested, or is he playing hard to get? He told me Friday night that he kind of liked me. I was like, oh, just kind of like? He was like, well maybe a bit more than like. I didn't think it was possible for someone's feelings to change THAT drastically over night.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 5:31pm

It's been less than WEEK? You're really over thinking this.

My advice: let him make the next move. Don't send cute emails or IM him, only respond if he contacts you first. It sounds like you're coming on pretty strong. When he asked you on Friday if he were going to see you this weekend, it would have been better that he called you and asked you out rather than you asking him what his plans were and being soooo available and anxious to get together with him.

And, I agree with your friend: men do like to do the chasing. Not so much that they're out of breath, but enough to get their heart rate up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 6:19pm
Do you think I ruined it by being so eager this early on? :\ I hope not. I just figured making plans with him once, when he had made plans all the other times, that it wouldn't hurt. I didn't see it as being too eager until later on.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 8:50pm

Well, I think that if you were starting to really connect (although after only a week, it's hard to say) your actions won't make that much difference one way or the other.

From your description, it just seemed to me like he wasn't really following through on getting together...he just alluded to it, then kind of blew you off. If it were me, I'd want him to show a little more interest. I just prefer in the beginning to let the man do the asking, then I'm not wondering if he's just being polite by accepting a date with me. I think that after a while, it's perfectly OK for the woman to ask a guy out, just not at first.

Another thought is that sometimes guys will end a date with "I'll call you" or some other variation because they don't know what else to say. They may have no intention of ever calling, or may feel very ambivalent.

Hopefully, things will work out for you!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 10:27pm

I'm not sure I'd agree with your guy friend that he's playing hard to get.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 10:59pm

We haven't had an official date. We were supposed to go see a movie on Wednesday and he ended up being "deathly ill" and was apparently in bed all day. We ended up hanging out at his house on Thursday. We watched a movie and played some Mario Kart on the Wii. So we made plans to go to the movies on Friday. Apparently he wasn't completely over his sickness and felt even worse that day, so once again, plans didn't happen. He kept apologizing and saying that he wasn't trying to ditch me. I was like, I must have the worst luck ever. He was like, no, I'm just not allowed to be happy. Well, he ended up taking a nap and apparently felt better after doing so, so later he invited me over to watch a movie and cuddle "as promised".

So to answer your question, no.. we haven't had an official date. Granted, I don't think there really has to be an official date. I think just hanging out and getting to know someone is just as good. Though it did make me sort of suspicious for him canceling plans on me on the days we had stuff planned. I was beginning to wonder if he was trying to get out of paying for me. He did update his status on facebook saying things such as "I hate being under the weather" and stuff.. so I don't know, he could had very well been sick.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 11:10pm
Well, he doesn't have my number, so we usually just talk on IM. He doesn't have a cell phone, so it makes it a little hard. He just uses his home phone. But he didn't say "I'll call you". He just asked me if he'd see me again this weekend. So I was like, maaaaybe. He goes, maybe. And before I left, he kissed me. And then even im'ed me the next morning on Facebook. So it's becoming apparent to me that my "pushing" him to hang out that night was probably what is causing the distance. I just hope it wasn't something big enough for him to distance himself for good, and to send him running for the hills. I mean, it did only happen once. I could see if it was an every day sort of occurance, but it wasn't. It was the first time I personally tried to make plans with him. Every other time it was him inviting to hang out at his place or making plans with me. I just didn't realize something that minor (or maybe it was major and spoke volumes to him) could push a guy away.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 11:30pm

Well, if he's potentially right for you, then it won't be something that pushes him away for good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2007
Sun, 08-23-2009 - 11:43pm

I know. I use a dating site to meet guys (I just can't approach guys in person and I don't get approached for some reason) and I haven't really found many guys on there within a 50 mile radius that appeal to me. Plus I haven't wanted to get into dating until I found a job, cause it's not fair to the other person. But I am starting a new job in two weeks.

But yeah, I had no intention of initiating contact with him, mostly cause if I'm the one initiating contact then I won't ever know if he is still interested in me or if he is just responding to be nice. Not to mention I wanted to give him space if he truly felt like I was smothering him or if he's busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 12:40pm
Like others said on here, I think it just sounds like he was backing off a little cause he wanted to initiate ALL the contact. Since it's only been a little while just let him do the contacting from now on. And find ways to distract yourself from thinking about him too much...I know it's annoying and a pain in the butt to do. I'm trying not to think about someone right now and actually, being here on Ivillage is totally helping, lol.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2001
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 1:37am

I don't know what this guy's intentions are, but personally I have found that if a guy really likes you, he will call, try to arrange dates, and pursue you.

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