I Analyze the Heck Outta Everything

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
I Analyze the Heck Outta Everything
6
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 11:52am

This is one of those *things* that start out great on the phone and dissolve into...nottin'. What it shows me is that if a guy hasn't got the umph (I'm being polite here) to pursue/show up on my phone/man up or whatever you want to call it, I lose interest.


My question is this: Yeah, I lose interest. So why can't I let go? Why the need to analyze every time? Is this peculiar?


Btw, this guy, a salesman with

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:26pm

I tend to overthink pretty much everything in my life, dating included. However, if I'd never met the guy and had no attachment to him, I wouldn't fret over an email such as John's. However, if we had met and I liked him even a little, yeah, I'd be O-B-S-E-S-S-I-N-G.

I think your communication with him was spot-on. I think most men would have jumped to dial your digits after your "let's talk" email. To go from "waiting for your call" to "have a nice life" is kind of pouty in my opinion.

But I think we analyze in order to learn--well, that's what I do. Don't know if I always learn, and many times it's a brand new lesson.

And there's nothing wrong with being polite.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 3:55pm

Clearly, he couldn't take the hint, though it seemed pretty obvious to me.

I'm pretty bad about answering my phone, mostly because I don't want to do early phone calls in front of my kids. So any guy I talk to, I tell in advance, you may have to try a few times, but I WILL call you back.

OK, he has no job, but he wants you to make the effort...It's like the guy a month back who made a first date with me (we agreed to meet on a Saturday because I specifically said I was free, and he reiterated that he knew it was my free day) then he decided, on Saturday afternoon, to do some house repairs with his son instead. And he let me know this via email, even though he had my number. Leaving me, having turned down doing something with a friend because I thought I had something to DO, with NOTHING to do. Then the guy couldn't figure out why I wasn't interested in meeting.

I know what you mean about being polite. However, in the last two weeks I had an epiphany about OLD and dating...if it feels like too much work, it is. If it doesn't make me happy, I don't want to deal. School is back in session, I am taking a class in teaching reading to kids with disabilities, my kids father is being really bad about visitation, and I don't get paid until September 11. I have enough to worry about, not whether or not some faceless voice on the telephone is has his panties in a twist because I didn't do something to his timeframe.

This is what this attitude got me this weekend...two dates and BOTH guys asked me out again. And they were both really nice and normal. And while I am very happy to go out with them again, if it doesn't happen, I'm too busy to care.

I can't believe these words are coming out of me, but this change in attitude is making my mental health sooooo much better.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:47pm

I agree with Florida girl, and would go even further--what a woosy passive aggressive whiner!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 8:52pm

These responses are so great, thanks, both of you! I'm not nuts to want s.o. to "man up" and phone.


...if it feels like too much work, it is. If it doesn't make me happy, I don't want to deal.


I totally agree. Plus I'm at my best when I'm super-productive and doing my creative stuff--writing, playing in Photoshop--whatever. My mind isn't on m-e-n. And I start back to work tomorrow too, nothing like kids to take your mind off a lot of #$%^ signifying zero.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 12:07pm

I think that if he didn't call you after that last email to him, then he is just too lazy or sensitive to be the pursuer you need. Simple as that.

Being polite is probably your way of halting communication with someone in a positive manner. I'd rather be polite in the end so that I know I at least made an attempt to be mature.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Wed, 09-02-2009 - 4:09pm
Totally agree. I'd rather err on the polite side.