Men Playing Hard to Get
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| Sat, 09-05-2009 - 8:02pm |
This is the new fad, apparently. Askmen.com and other websites I've gone to, and even my own husband and his best friend agree that acting nonchalant makes a woman more interested.....What??? Thank God I'm not dating anymore.
Is it true, first of all? I'm curious what other women think. There has to be some reason a lot of men feel this way. I personally can't find anything LESS attractive than a man who acts disinterested.
But what I really want to say to single women is RELAX and please stop wasting your time on men who don't make you happy. I wish someone had told me what I know now, after being married for two years. The biggest complaint you'll find women have after getting married is that the guy becomes inattentive. The romance dies. I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life fretting about singlehood, and had just enjoyed myself more. I would have dated for fun, or not at all, but I'd never go back to desperately trying to find The One. There are too many other things to do in this world.

I do think that the opposite is a little true. I remember when I first met my 2nd exH, I actually wasn't that interested in him (I wasn't playing a game) so I couldn't have cared less if he was interested in me. That only made him try harder to get me. He told me that at first it was a game to him, to see if he could get me to go out w/ him, but then he really liked me (and obviously I got to like him too). I don't think I would waste my time on a guy who didn't appear interested in me.
What really amazes me is the bad behavior that women will put up with. Just reading these dating boards you will see how men will act like total jerks and the women will still be unsure about whether to keep hanging on. Maybe it's because I have been divorced twice & I'm older and already have kids, so if I do date again, it will be "Just for fun." I'm not looking to get married again. I think w/ younger women, they can get so worried that they will never get married & have kids, they will sometimes hang on to someone who doesn't treat them well. Really, girls, getting married to someone who will make your life miserable is a lot worse than being single. I know from experience.
I am sooo with you. We do put up with a lot of bad behavior and bad advice in order to "keep" the man.
I have become friendly with a recently separated man. I don't expect anything to come from it because of his status, but he's a nice enough guy. He has been blunt and asked me to "explain" the rules because he's been out of the system for a long time. I started to explain them as a joke, but then realized how many of us are sticking to them as gospel...and winding up disappointed and upset.
He thought these "rules" were utter nonsense, and game playing. I was referring to things like, "women never make the first move on OLD", and 'guys should wait three days before calling after a date', the "third date" rule, and all the other things that are designed to make us seem aloof and not caring.
The "rubber band" theory also makes me nuts and it's a lot of nonsense. Yes, at the beginning, people need their space to make decisions about those whom they are dating. But some are using it to justify bad behavior, and that, I think is wrong.
I'm divorced, too, and after a lot of soul searching, I have come to terms with the idea that it is more important for me to be happy on a day to day basis than worry about what some guy thinks of me.
And, perversely, with that new attitude, I have three guys wanting to date me. Go figure.
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Wow, you've said a lot there, especially after you said what you wanted to say. Then you really said stuff.
I hate/loathe/get bored/distrust/mistrust/get turned off/yawn/fall asleep...well, I guess I've exaggerated enough here--basically, guys who act all cool and nonchalant are soooooo not interesting to me. Dime a dozen.
They're bad, but their cousins, the Blow Torch Guys, are even worse. They come on strong and then when you show some interest, they turn around and retreat.
Something's just not right with *people* and this includes women, too, who can't be themselves, who have to act.
What you said here is so much more interesting:
"I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life fretting about singlehood, and had just enjoyed myself more. I would have dated for fun, or not at all, but I'd never go back to desperately trying to find The One."
So very well said. I need to remind myself from time to time of this very