whats with the push and pull?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
whats with the push and pull?
3
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 12:21pm

Hi everyone,


I've been in a committed relationship with this wonderful man( up until now ) for a year now.Its been great so far.My b/f is very clear that he is not wanting to think about marriage or living together for at least another couple years,which is fine by me I'm in no great rush to get married myself,been there done that( we've both been married twice before ).He has of late( couple weeks ), not been

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 12:36pm

Does his child live w/ him f.t. or only p.t.? It seems that if he's only there p.t., then he should be dating you when the problem child isn't there anyway. I do think you need to sit down & have a talk instead of trying to guess what's in his mind.

As someone who just got div a 2nd time, I really would like you to consider what your life will be like if you live together or marry this guy before his p.c. problem gets straightened out. Your life will really be miserable. My 2nd DH has one DD who lived w/ us f.t. since he was a widower. She was 12 when they moved in & was a nice girl. Suddenly when she got to h.s., she really changed into someone who was a real problem--she constantly disobeyed very reasonable rules (like don't use your cell phone to call people at 2:00 a.m. on a school night), stopped caring about school, was sneaking around, etc. Meanwhile, my kids who were w/ me most of the time weren't causing any trouble but were very stressed out by all the arguing & tension going on between DH & his DD. Now she's 19 and not even living w/ him (she's w/ her grandmother) and she's still causing him trouble. She charged up $500 extra on his cell phone bill & refused to pay it so he canceled her phone. She puts on her Facebook "My Dad is an XXX (bad word) because he shut off my cell phone." as if he did it for no reason. I have to say I am so happy not to have to be dealing w/ her any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2007
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 1:24pm

thanks musiclover12,


the problem child lives with him part time and your right I have been thinking that may be we should be dating when the pc isnt around,which is easy.


wouldnt it be like giving in to the pc? also I do not always spend all the time that b/f has with his kids with him,I have my own life to live as well.its just scheduling as I have a job where

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-07-2009 - 6:32pm
I was just thinking that it would be more fun for you if you didn't have to deal w/ the child. At first I thought maybe he didn't like you or didn't want dad to have a relationship, but you said the boy is nice when he's with you, so I don't really get it. But I think it's something the dad needs to deal with. I hope he tells you what's going on.