is dating more than one man ok?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
is dating more than one man ok?
7
Sat, 09-12-2009 - 9:31pm

In my past dating experiences I was only dating one guy at a time.. I feel like it is deceptive to date more than one. Here is my dilemma. The past 5 months I have been involved with somone who I have been on a roller coaster with. We have awesome times together and then we have "red flag" moments and we call it quits. back and forth and back and forth.. We both come with "scars" from past relationships but my gut tells me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 6:43pm

I would definitely see what happens w/ the tire guy. Maybe after you find someone who is nice & less dramatic, the 1st guy won't have a hold on you.

My personal feelings on dating more than 1 person are that it's ok as long as you don't lead anyone to believe that you are exclusive and it's ok when things aren't serious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
Sun, 09-13-2009 - 8:46pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2000
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 9:09am
It's perfectly OK.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 2:37pm

As a man myself and as someone that knows a bit about dating, I usually suggest that people date MORE than one person at a time. Why? B/c if you're dating one person ONLY, it leaves all the other "potential" men no chance. As long as you are NOT exclusive with one person, ABSOLUTELY date other people.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 4:59pm

Date more than one at a time until one of them asks you to "go steady", so to speak.

To steal a name from Petulia, I, too, had a toxic man. Great fun times, great sex, didn't want to commit, but whenever I stayed away too long, he would get in touch again, and go on and on about how great we were together. I'd get lured back in, only to have him pull away again.

Now I am dating two other guys. "Toxic man", in his telepathic way, starts to get in touch again. One day last week he texted, called and hung up, and then called and left a message. In his message, he sort of scolded me for not calling him back. First, I was really busy that day, but he never considered that kind of stuff. Second, sometimes he would go days before returning MY calls and texts, so WTF?

Third, I started dating two other guys, so he didn't have that hold over me, that feeling like he was the only one in the picture. I'm not sleeping with ANYONE right now, and if I AM going to, they have to EARN it. When and if it gets to that point, yes, the others have to go, it's only right.

But if the guys isn't making a commitment, there's only a superficial relationship. Therefore, you aren't cheating on him.

Downside to dating two? Time!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 5:15pm
Thank you so much for that post. It makes so much sense to me... I ask myself that same question about that one guy. But I havce tried to teach myself to go with the learning curves..
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 11:14pm