Shy or disappointed?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Shy or disappointed?
2
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 12:53am

I'm sorry to double post, but I'm desperate for an answer!

Hi, everyone. I met a guy online. We exchanged pics, talked on the phone, text messaged, etc. He was very charming, enthusiastic, funny, and sweet in all our pre-date exchanges. Then the other night, it was a disaster. We met in person and he seemed completely detached. He barely maintained eye contact and there were some awkward silences. I would ask him get-to-know-you questions about himself to get him to talk. He'd answer, but instead of asking me about myself, he'd just let the topic drop. I assumed he was not interested and sent him a message that night saying while he seemed nice and I found him attractive, I didn't sense a connection and wished him luck in the future. No response. So I sent another message saying I was sorry our date went badly but sometime it happens. He responded, "yeah, oh well, good luck". Now I don't know if he really was disappointed once we met (I don't know why he would be as I was completely honest and sent pictures that were no more than a couple weeks old), or he just suddenly got shy when he saw me. I'd like to ask him if I misread him, but I'm afraid if I contact him again I'll look like a stalker or just generally pathetic. Help! Please!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2009
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 1:29am
I'm sorry my dear, but for whatever reason this man seems genuinely not interested anymore. Keep in mind it may not be your fault, and from the sounds of things it doesn't seem like it is. He could've found someone else in the meantime or discovered that he just is not compatible with you. In any case, I wouldn't pursue him anymore. If he is interested, he will let you know. If not, you are much better off to find someone else and forget about him. Hope this helps. : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 09-19-2009 - 10:15am

One of the pitfalls of OLD is that sometimes a guy is great with writing but a dud in person. I have had this many times...the guy is witty, and easy to talk to but then you meet and there is nothing there.

Sometimes they just have a great picture, but don't look quite as good to you in person. Others don't look so hot in the picture, but then you meet them and you are pleasantly surprised.

They say guys take about 30 seconds to decide if they are interested. For them, it's all about the visuals to start, then they decide they are interested as they get to know you.

Some guys are great on the phone, too, then you never hear from them again. It's hard to figure out what is going on in someone else's head, but one of the things you have to accept about OLD is people are very, very fickle.

As someone who has been there, done that, DO NOT contact this guy again. A lukewarm response to you is probably his way of being polite, but non-committal. You will look pathetic if you get in touch again, because he is NOT interested.