About to give up finding the right one

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
About to give up finding the right one
5
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 10:12am

Dear All,

I just want to vent in this thread. Please bear with me a little..

I've been waiting for this guy to come back from his one-week-overseas trip to contact me when he's back. He was back last night, but I haven't hear from him and I assume that I wouldn't.

The thing is that since I broke up with my ex in April, I've been meeting about roughly 16 interested guys and 1 interested mom that's looking 2 introduce me to her son. Out of this guys, I am only truly interested with 2 of them. One, he ended up dating an older woman. The other one is this guy that went missing on me after his overseas trip.

I feel that it's very tiring for me to go through all of this. I keep on attracting guys, only to know that they are not the one for me. These guys are not random guys that I meet online or through blind dates. They are my friends or usually friends of my friends.

I'm 26 years old. I find the people around me are getting married or having babies. Even my younger sister of 2.5 yrs is getting married next year with a guy that I like to think of him as a good catch for her. I am a devout Christian and believe that all things will come together for good. As much as I believe that, at this very moment I feel despair and maybe I should just live with the fact that I should settle for less, which I really have no idea which of these 14 guys I could re-consider.

I'm thinking today that maybe I should stop trying to look for the right one anywhere. Other than I am tired of getting dissapointed, I am also tired of declining guys softly and politely. These all consume me..

I don't know how long you have looking for the One. But, this dating scene suffocates me. All I want is to be in a strong relationship, where the man is willing to be as involved with me as I would be to him. I hope I won't have to wait for very much longer and I hope the same for you as well :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 12:18pm

I think if you stopped trying so hard, you may have more success.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-26-2009 - 3:15pm

I do agree w/ rainman that there is no problem taking a break from dating if you don't feel into it right now. It's not like you have a deadline--you really have plenty of time to get married and have kids, if that's what you want to do. You also could be feeling a little jealous or sad that your younger sister is getting married before you. I have 2 cousins who are sisters, I think that they are 25 & 27 right now. The older one got married last year and she is very happy, but the younger one is more of a free spirit. She works as an art teacher, she bought her own home, she traveled a lot this summer to see her friends--so does she care that she doesn't have a BF? No! I really admire her spirit. So if you started to just do things to have fun & live your life, you might feel better.

Also, you might actually have more of a chance doing something like OLD than relying on friends or friends. Some people will want to fix you up just seeing that they have a guy who is your age, but they don't stop to think if the 2 of you have anything in common. If you did OLD you could at least find out some things about the guy first that you could see if you find them interesting. I'm sure there are websites that focus on Christians too.

Don't settle! You'll only end up unhappy & divorced anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 3:51am

Dear Rainman913,

Thank you for your reply and well wishes :) I have been going out and meeting people; joining outdoor activities, helping out in charity events, hanging out with different groups of friends. I am really everywhere.. that's how those guys know me in the first place.

Second to your thought, I don't think that I am desperate. Yes, I am desperate to eventually settle with someone that I truly like. But, I also want that person to show that he's putting an effort to be with me. So far, the 2 guys I like just don't.. that's why I let them go.

You are recently single and you have not really explore your possibilities..It's very exciting for you. I hope you find more luck than me. I've read your story and you seem like a nice guy that will have no problem in attracting women :)




Edited 9/27/2009 4:49 am ET by ponytail07
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 4:23am

Dear MusicLover12,

Thank you for your encouragement and support.

You are right that I should take things more lightly. Just going about to do the things that I like and having more of the 'free spirit'. I am a music lover too and currently learning jazz piano. It's hard but I enjoy it. I am also starting to take tennis lessons with some friends. I enjoy hiking too and planning to do it again in 2 weeks.

About the OLD, I no longer stay in the U.S (though I used to for a couple of years). In my current city, people don't really do OLD.. It's an unfortunate thing for me, isn't it?

I won't settle for less I promised :) I truly just want to end up being really happy with a person that's really happy being with me too...

Edited 9/27/2009 4:41 am ET by ponytail07




Edited 9/27/2009 4:42 am ET by ponytail07
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 2:27pm
I took piano lessons for 10 yrs when I was a kid, although it was classical, not jazz. I think tennis & hiking are really good ways to met guys--you could belong to a tennis club or go on hikes w/ a group. I do think that when you are out doing things you like, you are just attractive to more people. Good luck.