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| Sun, 09-27-2009 - 11:36pm |
Date number four last night with Single Dad went beautifully. I went a little further than I had originally planned...but he texted twice and called once today, so it must have been OK!
I am trying really hard to stay focused and sort of detached for a while so I don't fall into this emotionally at this point. He's already off the site, I had hidden my profile because I don't have any time to really see anyone else, but we hadn't discussed it at all.
But, gee, for a guy I really wasn't sure I even wanted to reply to (he emailed me first on OLD, he's 10 years older, his profile was kind of bland, even the first phone call was kind of bland...), he is knocking my socks off with his kindness and sense of humor. His child rearing philosophy is almost exactly like mine, same music taste, same book tastes, both trying to raise kids alone, he respects my time with my kids and the fact that the kids have to come first. So easy to talk to.
After all the drama with Toxic Man, and the millions of first meets that went no where, this is really, really nice.

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Dear Startover96,
I am really happy for you! He seems like a man that can be dependable. A man that's both available and into you. I hope it will all work out beautifully.
I hope I'll meet my version of a guy like yours. Meeting all the wrong guys are so tiring, but you give me hope :)
Keep us posted.
Regards,
Ponytail07
Meeting so many wrong guys is so tiring! I just about gave up this summer! I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, why I kept meeting people who would just disappear, or people who had serious issues. I felt like a crazy person magnet.
I've heard this before on these threads...when you are just about ready to give up, something good happens. Last night a friend of mine said in an email that when you treat guys bad (or, as you have always PERCEIVED bad) they fall all over you. When you are nice to them, they walk all over you.
For me, once I mentally gave up, I must have started sending out a different vibe because THEN I started having really good luck. For too long, what I thought was treating someone bad was really just standing up for what was good for me, putting my interests first. I was confused about what 'selfish' meant.
My new definition of selfish (which has changed my dating life 100%) is: my kids, my family, my job, my school and I come first. No matter what. Without those things, I have nothing. If someone can come in and join the party, the more the merrier. If someone wants me to put HIM first right off the bat, he's going to be more trouble than he's worth. Trust me on that one.
Good luck w/ the new guy. He sounds nice.
I think women really have a problem w/ trying to please everyone & not stand up for themselves. I still have a 14 yr old DS at home and since he's only going to be home for a few more years, obviously I have to take his needs into account. And I have a f.t. job. I would like to find someone who will work at getting me and not expect me to change to suit his needs. i don't think it's selfish to stand up for your own needs.
Well, your post came at just the right time! Thanks, even though you didn't do it on purpose--and you know I've been following your shall I call it "go with the flow" philosophy.
The thing us that I've been feeling overwhelmed on almost all fronts: two days at a new school, website guy not doing work in a timely manner, wanting to spend more family time, house stuff, making time for writing.
And so this weekend, with Monday (today) off, I ended up going on three--not kidding--Man Meets. Friday, Saturday and Sunday. My idea was that when you get to the point of a meet, you'd better go with it or the momentum gets lost.
All three meets were well above average--and I spent at least three hours with each guy. Too much, I suppose, but it worked, in that I got a feeling for their lives, some specifics, that sort of thing. Amazingly, I wasn't turned off by any of them. Don't have crush-y feelings, but wouldn't mind seeing them again, to get a better take--and so far, two have called me back. One offered to help fix my garage door opener and another will make plans later in the week.
So maybe I'm working the what happens, happens philosophy better now, relaxing into a new phase. Who knows, none of these guys may work out, but I had a super-social weekend, got kissed by a man who knows how, and even have a recipe for a Cuban dish. Now I'm
Good to hear that!
Busy weekend, lady! I think if you show up to first meets with the idea, "Maybe this guy is THE ONE" you get lost in thinking that over "Is this guy even decent conversation?" And I agree, when you have the momentum, take all the dates.
I read in a book that you should go into it with this attitude: Say you meet someone nice at work, and you get along really great. They have the same sense of humor as you and the same outlook on life. You might get together for a cup of coffee, but you figure out when it's convenient for both of you. After your time together you go home, and you probably don't think about this person until you go back to work. You might get together again, but only when it's convenient, etc., etc.
The book says to look at dating the same way. You don't leave the coffee date with the friend pining away for her or thinking she is your new best friend. You go away thinking, "That was fun, we should do it again sometime..." It really helps.
Can you send the garage door fixer my way? I have some things that need fixing at my house.
Date 7 - fantastic! Sounds like you're on a roll!
I'm staying remarkably detached. I think I know that getting physical with a guy means nothing to him other than getting physical (yes, I know it does for some guys, but I am looking at it from a general point of view). But for the first time I don't find myself being clingy and reading too much into it.
He sent me a message Monday morning once again saying how great Saturday night was. But again, I'm not going to read too much into it because if I do, I will make myself NUTS.
This week I will focus on a huge school project I have to do, making sure my kids do their homework, going to my tutoring jobs, making a court date to get my ex for non-payment of child support. Now THOSE are priorities.
Smooches with new guy...great, but not the center of my world. This is SO liberating!
Sounds like you've got the right attitude!
I continue to enjoy this thread--it seems to go so many places that interest me.
A quick update to my last weekend's three Man Meets. I'm calling them all *Bob.* None of the Bobs asked me out this weekend.
Bob 1 called after a few days but made no plans for this weekend. Followed up again, very busy on weekend, goes into NYcity on business regularly. Says he's busy "personally and business stuff, too." His thing is upscale jewelry design. Wanted to get together Thursday night at the last minute--I had a 4-hour seminar/history course, a teacher thing. So I couldn't.
Bob 2 asked me out again for his birthday, during which he pulled out the sex card, told me he loved sex. I downplayed it, even though a few more things were said--I'd rather he left that stuff for later, but I've gotta take the info I get and sort through it. I guess that's his "style" or lack of...called me almost every night this week, is at a 3-day seminar this weekend. Didn't play any more sex cards, just friendly and talks about family/work stuff. Intellectually we're not a match at all. I don't mean he's not smart, he just seems uninformed about stuff I assume everyone knows. He's low key and that is good for me.
Bob 3 emailed and sussed me out about going out again, think I mentioned this already. Nothing new there. No follow up.
Point here is that they could all fade away in ghostly vapor. Time will tell. Am not spending a lot of time thinking about any of them. Too much going on in my life and that's a good thing.
It's all good amusement, fine for now.
I like the Bob idea...except for that fact that's my ex's name, ew.
It's annoying when you have all these first meets and they don't go anywhere.
Bob 1: Why is he dating if he is so busy? Not fair to another person to be never available. Sounds interesting, though.
Bob 2: I find it unnerving when a guy is totally out of touch with stuff you assume everyone knows. Another thing is when they have what I call "old man" mentality in their 40's...like they only like rock from the 70's and their frame of reference for all things cool stopped in 1985. Even though he is low key, would you WANT to hang out with him again?
Bob 3: What's up with that? Wants to know if your available and does nothing about it?
Don't think about them, consider it a pleasant surprise if you hear from them.
My new attitude has made me dump all the other guys except Mike Brady (that's what a friend of mine calls all divorced dads who have custody of their kids...so I'll keep calling him that). We don't get to see each other much because his kids are still needing babysitting and he was under the impression that I don't like to go out on school nights (I changed that!). I'm pretty sure I am the only one he's seeing because he tells me where he is all the time and sends me funny texts at like 8 or 9 pm. But I don't call him unless I'm returning his call, don't text unless he starts it. I still seem to have his interest, so time will tell!
In the meantime, I can't see him this weekend, and I am loving having to be accountable to NO ONE!
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