Unsure about our status

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Unsure about our status
1
Tue, 09-29-2009 - 11:01am
Hey there:)I've posted on here before, but my situation is still ongoing.About a month ago I went out for coffee with a friend I hadn't seen in over ten years.We connected right away,at least it felt that way.We went out that same weekend and had a blast.Between my hectic work schedule and his, we still manage to get together and we talk and text on a regular basis.We have been taking things slow,which is different for me since I have the bad habit of jumping into relationships too quick.I just got out of a 4 year relationship and he broke up with his gf of 5 years about 8 months ago.Anyway, I don't know if it was my insecurity but a couple of weeks ago after he had to cancel plans with me, I asked him if he was happy with how things were moving along with us, and because it hadn't really been discussed, wether he was seeing anyone.He said he was happy and that no he wasn't seeing anyone,that he has dated a couple of people since him and his ex had broke up, but neither one had lasted more than a few weeks.he said that they were more into him for his money and that he didn't want that.He knows that I'm not like that because I make a good living, own my own house and have been independent for quite a while. Anyway,I thought that maybe I had scared him off by asking those questions, but obviously I didn't because we made plans t get together the next day.Anyway, recently he started a new job working night shifts as a security guard.he has asked me to come see him a few times while he's there,and I have.So here's my problem.One of his friends(who is a girl)just lives up the road from where he's working.He told me that she's been over a few times to visit.Now I know who this chick is , and not to sound full of myself, but i definetly have a few more things going for me than she does.She doesn't work,lives with her parents at the age of 27,does drugs,and has even been in jail!All this being said, I still feel insecure about her going to see him.I knew that they were friends, and he said once that he could never be more than that with her.I want to beleive that, but it's hard.And he doesn't try to hide the fact that she comes over, so i guess that's good,but I wish I was more certain on where we stand.I really have no right to get mad, because we haven't really established wether we're gf&bf,but until we have that"talk"it's gonna drive me crazy wondering .Anyway, any advice would be helpful.Should I confront him about her?Should I have the "status" talk?
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 09-29-2009 - 5:15pm

Gosh, you've only been going out for a month, I think this is pretty soon to be discussing, "Where is this relationship going?"

I can understand your discomfort with this girl who is visiting him, I would most likely feel the same way. However, since you aren't an exclusive couple at this point, I wouldn't say anything about her. If you do, you'll just seem clingy and jealous.

I think time will tell in this situation. You'll know soon enough. Just be your fabulous self and have fun on your dates.