just friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2009
just friends?
5
Mon, 10-05-2009 - 7:34pm
I was seeing this guy for a few months. Things were going well, there was a lot of attraction and compatibility between us but then we kind of just slipped away. Someone I had previously been seeing came back into my life and I thought i wanted to be with him. After a few weeks, I realized that I wanted to continue with this new guy instead, but by then it was hard to get back on track with him. He seemed to still be interested but somehow we just never got back together. We have friends in common so occasionally we still see each other in social settings. On his side he says he'd been preoccupied dealing with "love stories" and more so with problems going on in his business. I know that he's had an off and on again long distance relationship for quite some time and assumed that this is what he was referring to, but he wouldn't elaborate when I asked about it. I've tried not to pursue things further because I get confusing signals from him, and think that if he really wanted to see me he would make the effort like he had been doing before. Recently we'd made tentative plans several times to get together it never happened. I would clearly signal to him that I was still interested. So, when he didn't take things further I kept away and didn't contact him. Then, he started calling me for "favors"....like to ask for a business contact (that he could easily get from other people). He always makes it seem like he I am the only one who can help him with whatever the favor is...(despite the fact that he has much better connections than me). The last thing he called me about was to ask if I knew of a vacancy in my apartment building because he needed to find a new place to live...and he asked me not tell anyone about it. He is a high profile person but very introverted about his personal life and I respect that. But I just don't know what to make of him. Does he only want friendship with me now, or is he trying to keep the door cracked open?


Edited 10/5/2009 8:21 pm ET by marie_smile
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: marie_smile
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 2:02pm
I hate when this kind of thing happens. It would be better if you never had to interact w/ him at all instead of these random calls. I just think that if he really wanted to ask you out, he would. So I'd probably ignore all these things and think of him as only a business contact and really treat him that way unless he makes some more definite moves toward asking you out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2009
In reply to: marie_smile
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 2:38pm
Yes, it is frustrating me trying to figure out his reasons for continuing to contact me like that. If I at least knew that he's confused and still trying to keep a toe-hold with me, well i guess that would feel better then him all the sudden having turned so platonic and business-like within a matter of weeks. If he was confused about a girlfriend that has re-entered the picture, that would also be easier for me to understand as I was going through that myself (but I never came out and told him that is why I had "cooled off" and disappeared for a few weeks). But at this point it feels awkward to come right out and ask what his feelings toward me are and motives for continuing to call me. I just wish i knew what was going on in his head
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2009
In reply to: marie_smile
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 8:26pm

After my post, I have to say I'd probably be too nice, just like you, trying to please, tippy toeing around, wasting my time, all that.


Funny how when I'm not involved, everything seems so clear. The way I'm reading this one is this guy is just plain not nice. He's playing with you and probably does know you have feelings for him.


Be polite if you have to have contact; otherwise I agree. Give him the big, fat ignore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: marie_smile
Tue, 10-06-2009 - 8:46pm

The way you describe this situation I do not see much romantic potential with this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2009
In reply to: marie_smile
Wed, 10-07-2009 - 6:10am
Thank you everyone for your insights. I am going to do my hardest to ignore him and stay away. Although the irony is that when he usually starts calling me with these random things...when i drop out of sight for a while.