The End of Bob 2, the Sex Card Guy
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 10-06-2009 - 8:09pm |
I'm posting this as a new thread, thinking I shouldn't continue the hijacking from Cross Your Fingers.
OK, so I met Bob 2 and had a date, he invited me out on his birthday. That was the evening he told me how much he loves sex and put the bill in front of me, mumbling "I'm not made of money." Yeah, I know. I shoulda cut him off then. I don't think I believed my ears, it was as if he was talking to himself.
Last night I got a last minute invite to meet him in email (of all things) but saw it too late to even call him and tell him I couldn't meet him. His plans are always nebulous. I texted him to apologize and he texted me back. It was close to 9pm so I shut off my phone, took my shower, read and went to bed.
Morning. His text was something about why was I so wierd? And a few other jokey things.
Talked to him in the afternoon because I didn't want to chat at night. He has a lot of windshield time delivering tires. And this is what I learned: he's looking to invest in a house he can fix up; he has bad credit, and he rents and lives with a guy. The man is 54 years old and yeah, it was a turn-off. He's financially unstable. He doesn't take care of himself.
He wants to go on some kind of a day bus trip--a fall foliage thing--told me it costs only around $115 and was surprised when I thought that was on the expensive side. I'm guessing he wants me to pay my way. (I'd never let him pay at this point!)
Got this email from him when I got home:
I was wondering why you didn't call or text me after we "talked/texed" briefly.


Pages
You seem like a really thoughful person and I am sure there are many deserving men who would love to have you in their lives.
Well, I suppose you could email him the old (OLD?) standby, "While I enjoyed getting to know you, I just don't feel we are a match, good luck in your search...."
I can't stand having to "reject" either. It's one of the reasons I just don't opt to meet that many men (through online dating) in the first place. I find it all exhausting and draining.
Poor Bob.
I think certain women are just brought up to be nice and we don't deal w/ giving rejection well because we know how it feels. I don't know if you could even explain it in a way that would make sense for him, although maybe you would be doing him a favor for his future encounters to say that most nice women (esp. middle aged, which I can say since I"m at that age) find it not to be so nice when a man they hardly know mentions sex.
As far as the financial things, yes, I know some men really get a bad deal in a divorce, maybe, and have to pay a lot of c.s. but frankly I'm div & have to help support 2 kids on an average salary. I'm not one of those women who is looking for $$ signs but I don't want someone who is financially irresponsible either. My test would be--would he make my financial life better or worse? If it's worse, I don't want to go there. (BTW, just found out that my credit score went up in the one year since my div. When we refinanced the house so that he could get some money to move out, they could only use my score since his was worse.)
Oh, I know how you feel. No, I don't think you were stringing him along, you were giving him the benefit of the doubt, hoping a glimmer of 'something' would come out. And it didn't. No harm, no foul.
Some people are just clueless. Like when my Mr. Toxic would complain about his horrible ex demanding her child support, just after I finished saying how I am exhausted from working two jobs because my ex is jerking me around for child support. They hear, but they don't listen.
$115 for a second date? Clue-less.
I agree with the other poster: email is just fine, use the "I don't think we're a match (which is true)" and be done with it. It's hard when you have a kind heart, but you really don't know this person and don't owe him anything but at least a closing statement.
Well, I came home to this email from him:
I was wondering why you didn't call or text me after we "talked/texed" briefly.
Re:
The guy I really want to see invited me out for tomorrow night. Hasn't called to finalize plans yet and it's 7:30 Thursday. This doesn't thrill me.
Your email was too long and gave him too many openings (points to argue) IMO.
Oh, you don't find the tire business fascinating? My 2nd exH works in the paint dept. of a hardware store. Until he worked there, I had no idea there was really so much technical stuff to it since all you see are the people who shake up the cans. However, he used to come home every day & complain about his job and tell me in excruciating detail everything he did, like giving me the word for word conversations w/ his boss, instead of summarizing. So on Labor Day I went to a friend's BD party w/ him that was a long drive where he had the opportunity of a captive audience to regale me w/ more paint stories. lol It was so boring!
I hope you have a nice date tomorrow. Hmmm, turning down 2 other dates! As an interesting aside since I'm not doing OLD right now, do you ever get sick of all the meet & greets and disappointments? I did OLD about 10 yrs ago before I met 2nd DH. Right now I feel like I don't have that much time to do it--I have a 14 yr old DS at home and I'm thinking that I don't really want to spend my limited free time (like only every other Sat. night/Sunday and maybe a short time during the week) going on disappointing dates. Maybe when my DS is a little older & I have basically every night to myself it would be diff. I am assuming you don't have any kids although I know you work.
<>
Yes, if he feels you have to report at THIS point, who knows what will happen a few weeks from now.
Basically, he's not rocking your world. We are old enough now that we don't have to keep accommodating these folks. I've only had one or two guys get too forward too fast...both were on OLD and neither was employed. I think they were bored and made any woman who responded to them in to a huge focus. I have too much else to deal with then making a guy feel secure at this point.
Pages