Disappointed

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Disappointed
17
Sat, 10-10-2009 - 6:04pm
Well I got tired of sitting around waiting for the guy I went out with a week ago Wed. to call & ask me to lunch as he said he would (more than once, by the way). I emailed him using the good excuse to tell him that I finished his friend's divorce case (I'm a lawyer & he referred this friend to me). So he emailed me back in a friendly chatty way, but didn't mention anything about going to lunch. So I figure he's also going to be one of these guys who might have time for me every few months, if that. Gee, it would have been to easy to find someone I liked and not have to go through OLD. The fact is that I wouldn't mind having a relationship right now where we didn't see each other that much cause I don't have that much free time w/ a 14 yr old at home and an ex who seems to keep changing the visitation, but I could only be ok w/ that once I knew the person actually liked me. Right now I still have no idea if he's even ever going to call back, so it's kind of frustrating & disappointing. I mean he was the one who suggested several times that we should get together again, not me. So why even mention it if you don't mean it? It could have just been a case of 2 old friends getting together for a one-time thing and leave it at that and just say good bye, it was nice to see you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
In reply to: musiclover12
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 7:50pm

Yes. I know.


Let it go. Disappointments come and go. Don't let it absorb you.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: musiclover12
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:01pm

Exactly! Also - don't lower your standards to accommodate him. I know that you too have a busy schedule (I am the same way), but you should not make his inattentiveness okay. If you do, he will take advantage of it. Go out - meet other people. Get involved in groups that have your interests and meet a new circle of friends.

I am so tired of men laying down the rules of when we see them, and we take it and make it okay in our minds. It is not okay. You may not want to be with this guy everyday, but you are worth him wanting to spend every day with you. And if he doesn't - and keeps blowing you off - and setting up arbitrary boundaries - move....on....

You are worth love - and if you can't get it from the goofball - you need to love yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:51pm
The odd part is that I am much more calm about this now. I was very excited right after we went out because we had non-stop talking and things seemed to be going well, then he responded right away about going out again. So for about a week, I was very anxiously checking my emails all the time to see if he had sent me anything. For some reason, now that I emailed him on Fri, I haven't thought about him nearly as much. I am definitely going back to doing what I had been doing before. I'm not dating, but I have things to do to absorb my interest. I am trying to make a plan to meet some of the ladies on another board that I know are from my area, because that is fun. Tonight I went to a meeting of a club that I belong to. I have a couple of meetup things coming up--so basically that is what I was doing before. If he does call again, I wouldn't refuse to go out w/ him, I would just recognize that this is probably not going to be a relationship that is going anywhere, just an occasional friendship or maybe not even up to the level of friendship. I don't know why I thought it would be diff. this time. When I first met him 10 yrs or so ago, we went out once or twice, had some long phone conversations, and that was it. He was very busy then and I wasn't going to wait around, so I dated other people, then I met 2nd DH. So although he might have a diff. job now, his basic personality hasn't changed, I assume, which is that he doesn't have time to have a relationship, which to me means that he doesn't care about having a relationship, because people will make time to do something that is important to them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: musiclover12
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 10:13pm

Sounds you are on the right track. Why do we do this to ourselves? I would love to see the roles reversed - where the guy sits around waiting for the girl to call. That would make me happy. But - I am passive aggressive ;) and have one guy in mind I would like to see get burned this way.

I had a guy I dated for some time - broke up with him two months ago - and I have a running e-mail to myself where I list every ding-a-ling thing he has done to me and how he behaved. As soon as I feel weak - and think I might contact him - I open that e-mail up and read it. It is also full of self-talk and positives about myself. Silly - but it works. Whatever I need to move on...lord - in my next life - I wanna come back as a house cat. Do they have these worries?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: musiclover12
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 11:59am
I guess guys have their own ordeals--they have to (generally) be the ones to initiate dating, so they are always facing rejection. I can see how that would get pretty tiring too. They are probably wishing that women would ask them out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: musiclover12
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 12:38pm
I don't mind doing the asking, if we have been
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
In reply to: musiclover12
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 6:44pm

This thread is intereting to me.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
In reply to: musiclover12
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 9:48pm
I think he is an exception. Perhaps he's quite good-looking?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
In reply to: musiclover12
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 11:30pm

Well even with his bragging, you have to wonder what kind of girls ask him out - and for what? Regardless of how hot a guy is, I will not make the first move. It makes me seem desperate, which is definitely not the image I want to portray.

And I thought about this tonight....I have no problems getting dates...my issue is getting dates with a guy who is worthy of extending that past date three. I am thinking this "hot guy" is not a date three kind guy - and if he is - he is just a "hook-up." And if that is what you are looking for, to each his own....

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2008
In reply to: musiclover12
Sat, 10-17-2009 - 2:00pm

I am having a similar confusing issue with a guy at my job.


There is a guy at my job who has been flirting with me over the past month we really hit it off and talk at work for hours. He asked me for my email address a couple of weeks ago and had not emailed me yet.

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