he tried to have sex on our 2nd date

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2009
he tried to have sex on our 2nd date
15
Sun, 10-11-2009 - 6:08pm

Ok, this might be obvious..but then again, men are NEVER obvious to me, LOL.

I went out with this guy for the second time. He tried to sleep with me but I said i was not ready, and he said ok i won't. We fooled around a little bit, but i kept to my word--no sex.

So does this mean he just wants sex? He's a sweet guy and i was a little surprised he tried to get it right away. But not THAT surprised because he is a male, haha. I've gone on dates where the guy hasn't tried to kiss me til the 4th or 5th date! So i'm just looking for a little insight :)I know i sounds a little naive, pretty new to this dating game!

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 10-11-2009 - 8:02pm
If he asks you out again knowing that you won't have sex, then it would seem that he is not just interested in sex--if he doesn't call, then he probably was.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:12am
I agree that is he calls again he is interested in more than just sex.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 12:32pm
I think that women have very different expectations about when is too early or too late. Some women can have casual sex and not care and some can't. So I think it's better to err on the side of caution. I think back on the serious relationships (incl. 2 marriages) that I have had and I slept w/ all of them pretty fast. What is irritating to me is the guys who want to sleep w/ you knowing they don't like you and will ditch you as soon as they get you in bed. So I would say that I wouldn't mind a guy wanting to go to bed early if he's going to stick around. It's when they don't stick around, that's when I feel like I was taken advantage of, and since you don't really know someone's intentions right away (very few people will admit they just want casual sex) that's why it's better to wait.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2009
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:21pm

thanks for all your insights. the thing about it, is that I met him from a legit dating website. so, i don't know if he's just desperate to have sex or if he really likes me and wants to pursue something. but then, i went on 5 dates with this other guy (adding up to a little over a month), he waited til the 5th date to kiss me, then we hooked up (but did not have sex, nor did he try) and then he never contacted me after that.

this dating thing is hard! hehe

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2009
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:24pm
rainman, i have no idea! between that and all the games, it is so frustrating. i guess it really does depend on the way you mesh together. if you are both feeling it, then why not. i actually did want to have sex with him, BUT i didn't want him to think i was easy and you know what "they" say..sex changes everything. the game rears it's ugly head. but unfort. i think the game is always going to be there, whether you like it or not. and you can't avoid it apparently. :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Mon, 10-12-2009 - 10:39pm

I have heard about couples who have had sex early on and yet

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-12-2004
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 2:01pm

This flys in the face of what many of you are saying, but my first wife and I had sex before we ever went on a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2008
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 5:38pm

Oh, yes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 10:38pm

there are ALWAYS exceptions. although i hate thinking about "the rules". if it feels right, then it does. and if it doesn't work out because you slept with someone too early, then oh well. your passion took over and there is nothing you can do about it.

i personally would have no problem having sex with someone within the first few dates. i just worry, as a girl, that the guy only wants, well, one thing. i want to be respected and don't want him to think he can get the milk for free! hehe. I have a very high sex drive so yes i usually want it on the first date, BUT i restrain myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Sat, 10-24-2009 - 10:35am

2nd date jitters....

I am actually going through a similar situation, except tonight will be the 2nd date. We had the first meet-and-greet date at the beginning of the week, and then he called and asked me out midweek for Sat night. He's very polite, and sweet, and said he wanted to cook a meal for me, at his place.

So, the dilemma I am faced with is, what if he expects more and I am not ready to give it? I am thinking about that so much that it is taking the fun out of getting ready for the date. I like this guy, but I have been hurt in the past by instant attraction and then falling into bed, then nothing. I haven't even allowed myself to be more than semi-attracted to this guy.

I had stopped dating for a few months, and recently went back online. I don't want to have to be on guard the entire time I am sitting at the table with this guy.

I want to be able to relax and be myself without having to worry about fending him off. The first date, he hugged me bye, but no kiss, and he's not calling constantly or acting clingy. I have no reason to think he might be pushy, other than my own fears. I guess I'm condemning this guy without giving him a chance.

Never give all the heart, for love...
If someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.

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