Advice Needed

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
Advice Needed
2
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 5:51am
My partner & i split up last year but we have been sleeping together since then,i have two children one of which is his and i have not had any support from him since 10 months ago.I work full time but everything is coming out of my pocket.I have just found out that i am pregnant & he just wants me to get rid of it,just like that,I have been promised by him that he will help out,which i feel is right as i am now in debt due to him.I have found out that he is now with someone and enjoys rubbing it in my face,i am very unhappy with the way he has treated me & now has his own life to lead which i am finding it hard to deal with.I have now informed him that he will not be seeing his son as he has not helped with the upbringing of our child. I feel that i cannot move on as i have no social life and i am now restricted from having one as his reason for not helping me out is due to him not wanting me to go out and enjoy myself & to move on with my life.Please anyone can you give me advice on what to do??
Avatar for bratgirl2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: iemma8
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 6:47am
The only thing I can say is this: It is so unfair to withold a mans son from him because you are angry at the father. The child, your son, is not a pawn...he is a human being who doesnt care about anything except his parents. Parents are the center of childrens universes and to blow his universe apart is...despicable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: iemma8
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 8:00am
Perhaps it will motivate you (to leave him, use birth control and get therapy) if you think about what a bad role model you are being with your children - living with a man who treats you this way who you are not married to. Do you want your children to end up like this - having children out of wedlock with people who are borderline abusive if not abusive?

I don't care frankly if you have a social life, and neither should you - your children don't care if mommy has a social life - and your children - since you keep choosing to have them without a formal commitment - should be your main priority. You chose to be with this man, you chose to get pregnant twice, you chose not to have friends or go out because you were so scared of being on your own, right? Well, stop playing the victim and make different choices - and if you are a victim of abuse that you haven't mentioned, run don't walk to the nearest domestic violence hotline or shelter.

Would you want a man to stay with you because he was afraid of not having friends if he left? Would you want him to have children with you based even in part on that reason? Think about it - you have the power to make different choices and there are many sources of support out there - mostly free - but you have to seek the help.