advice?
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| Thu, 02-12-2004 - 10:23am |
as i've mentioned in past postings i have been taking a passive approach with this guy and let him do the majority of the pursuing. i show him that i'm interested when we're together or talking on the phone and he continues to pursue, but at a slow and steady pace. we went out to dinner on sunday night and i haven't heard from him yet this week. we've been talking once or twice a week and seeing each other once every other week...so it's a slow progression, but we've covered a lot of ground in conversation and are quite compatible...from family values to politics. anyway, based on the way our relationship has progressed I know he will call, but I always wish he would call a day or two sooner and see me more often...
so, i'm thinking i'll give him a call tonight just to let him know i was thinking about him and would like to see him again. is that too forward?
he's made several comments about "us" in the future...going to see a certain movie or check out some restaurant. little things, but that reassures me he is interested in developing a relationship with me. does this sounds accurate? or do guys sometimes just say things about the future without thinking?
so, that's the issue at hand right now, i really want to see him or at least talk to him more often...but maybe i am wanting too much to soon? we live at opposite ends of the city and without a car it's hard to get together alot, and during the week he wants to be with his son when he gets home from work, which i think is wonderful.
i actually like the relationship how it is right now cause there isn't a lot of pressure to get physical. i have intimacy issues and need to know and trust a person very well before i will do much more than kissing. i feel extremely naive, but when is he going to expect more from me physically? i almost feel like i need to talk to him about my perspective on relationships in terms of sex now rather than later, but i'm wondering if that's weird considering we don't even define ourselves as dating...it is just an understood. i'm confused and i want to be able to explain to him how i feel and that i like him and want to get to know him better, but i don't want to do it in a way that is going to scare him/freak him out so he starts running in the other direction. any suggestions?
if it gets to this point...of a serious relationship...i will have to tell him i was raped, but for now i would like to explain my intimacy issues with a little more ambiguity. interestingly enough we have talked about rape and rape cases and he seems like a very support person, but considering it hits so close to home the whole conversation made me slightly uncomfortable. anyway...thanks for reading.
i just really like this guy. i know in the end that things will just take there course and if it's meant to be, it will. but i like getting the input from fellow daters. thanks again.
danisara

Just want to make it clear that the reason I think you should not be dating this guy is NOT because he has a child but because he doesn't appear to be over his ex.
thank you for your advice and for clarifying your views on my situation. i know from my past posts that it appears he is not over his ex...BUT i know for fact that they are not romantically involved and never will be...and that is mutual between them.
i was confused about the situation at first, but it has been discussion and is clearer now. they will always have ties together because of the child, but that is the extent. both he and the mother are in the process of moving so splitting time and caring for the child is difficult right now, he goes over her place to spend time with his son. at the end of the month he will be settled in a new place.
anyway, i have talked with him about the ex and it's not an issue...nor will she be the result of me getting hurt in the future...if it comes to that.
Ok, if you say so!