Quick question, all opinions welcome

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Quick question, all opinions welcome
10
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 1:33pm
Can any of you take a stab at this; my ex-boyfriend takes me home with him and then doesn't have sex with me. Any ideas on why he does this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:32pm
I think we need a bit more info to offer opinions or advice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 9:06pm
Maybe because he's your "ex?"

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:39pm
What do you mean?

If he doesn't want to do the deed, then he shouldn't want to take me home, right?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 2:44pm
Why? It speaks for itself. I'd give you the story, but it's a story that last 6 years and none of us have the time or patience for something like that. It's confusing, so I limited it to the most confusing question that I have about him. Just thought someone could help. Let's just say this. We broke up and after that we've gone home together numerous times. Each time, it's clear that he does not want to have sex with me. At the same time, he chases me around all night to get me to home with him. Since this is the women's board, I guess you are all just as confused as me! Thanks for any input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 3:24pm
Maybe he just enjoys your company? It's really hard to guess anything without having details but if he wanted sex, I think he would be coming onto you. If he's not then I would imagine it's just about being in your company...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 4:41pm
Thank you. We've been through a lot, the two of us. When he has put himself out on the table, I ruin it and when I do, he ruins it. I think it may just be a matter of bad timing. I think we both still like each other, but we're both scared to come clean in fear of rejection. Problem is, it's been going on like this for so long I don't know what to think of it anymore. Could it be he just likes the chase? This has been offered as an explanation before, but we all know how men work. If a man gets a girl to go home with him, he usually doesn't pass up the sex. last time I went home with him, we started to mess around and then my phone rang. I got up to answer it and when I got back in bed, he said that I'd "done screwed up" and he rolled over and went to sleep! ???
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 4:59pm
I am in the exact same predicament and it makes no sense. NONE. My ex keeps chasing me...pursuing me extremely hard. I cave in...we start to do things together again...have a blast. This has happened three times now and we broke up last June. The last time he pursued me was at Christmas...I didn't answer his emails/ignored him and then I finally gave in cause I still dig him. He take me out for my birthday and is all romantic, etc. and he even plans a weekend in VT for us where we are staying in a hotel. Well, he never even tried anything sexual and here we are in a hotel away together??!!! What is that? Men, please explain. Anyone please explain. This happens a lot! And yes, he may like my company but he's holding my hand, constantly touching me...it's not a friend thing at all...until we get in the bedroom. Any insite would be appreciated. Oh, and we're off again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 7:31pm
Ok I think it comes down to this--what do you want? Do you want a relationship with this man or do you want just a casual thing? If you want a relationship, I would lay it on the line and tell him you want to go to counseling together. If you guys keep going round the same path, nothing will change. Sometimes it takes a third party to help break the pattern you're in.

Just be careful to not fool yourself into thinking you can keep things casual and it will develop into something else--that usually doesn't work.

This guys sounds like my ex. (He's not from Brooklyn, is he? LOL)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 11:34pm
Based on your post I can only surmise two things. Perhaps your communication skills with him need a little work based on no information that would help anyone give an opinion. Why did you break up and was your sex life together mutually successful(for lack of a better word) perhaps you just need to ask him if he just wants to be friends or if there was a problem with the sex. For myself being with someone that I really like does not require having sex every time I have her over. There are the best of times and the worst of times,not everytime regardless means sex is mandatory. You should talk with him more.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 10:29am
You're probably right. The answer to this will surface if I talk to him. But I can't. I'm afraid he'll flip out (as men usually do) and then I'll be stuck feeling vulnerable and silly. You say you need more info. Here's a little insight that may help. We broke up because he was leaving town. Other than that, we were great together. I still liked him when he left and he felt the same way about me. When he told me he was leaving, he said that we shouldn't have sex anymore because we would "get too close." I said that was ridiculous and we should enjoy the rest of our time together, but he almost made it a point to not sleep with me before he finally went. The next time he came to town to visit, we hooked up. It was probably a month after he'd left and it was fantastic. But that was the last time. I've been home with him dozens of times since and nothing. Most times, we don't even kiss. We just get in bed and go to sleep. ?? Any ideas?