The Email that changed Everything...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
The Email that changed Everything...
4
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 1:35pm
I am in quite a predicament...the thing is,my now, ex-boyfriend and I have agreed for the past month on a mutual agreement that we would both just enjoy the last semester of our college years. However, I was the one that brought up the subject. I asked him, that if this relationship was holding him back in any way, that I wouldnt want him to regret his last year of college because of the relationship. Due to his response in saying that he has not had a fulfilling time, I let him go. I did not want him to have any regrets. His intent after the agreement was to just socialize and party more, however, not to hook up with other girls. He said girls were not on his agenda. However, just recently, I have been having this intuition that something has been going on with him and another girl so I looked in his sent email, and I saw a letter that he wrote to another girl that clearly reveals his feelings for her. And this was 5 days after our break! In the letter it states, that he goes to her work at late night waiting for her to get off, and with that bringing her food. He also claims that "having gone from having a girlfriend to breaking up with her, I've have been thinking alot about, you (the other girl)" Lastly, he states in the letter that she lives in her own little world, and he is now welcoming her into the doorsteps of his. I am completely bothered by this, as you can imagine. However, when I asked him about him having feelings for any girl whether small or big, he just denies it, saying they are only friends. I dont want to bring up that I went into his email but my question is how can I get him on this? Will he ever admit it? Will he ever tell me the truth? and is this a rebound from being in a 3 and 1/2 year relationship? He was not like this, is it because he is still only 21, and all of a sudden he needs to be free? Please help. I dont know what to do.I am soooo lost :(
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 2:11pm
I think you should stop worrying about what he thinks!!! You two are broken up, right? Then he is "allowed" to do whatever he wants with whomever he wants. He may have been 'sparing' your feelings by not telling you that he wanted to be with another girl. Either way, you two aren't together, you are snooping through his email, and apparently he wants to be with someone else, and thus has lied to you. I think you should cut your losses *right* *now* and focus on making *yourself* happy without him!

Sometimes people do need to "be free".

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:01pm
You ask: "How do I get him on this?" You don't. You broke up with him, then snooped through his personal email. He's having fun in college. You should go do the same. And while you're doing that, do some thinking about respecting another person's privacy and being mature enough to mean what you say to people. You let him go so that he'd have no regrets. Now let him do what he wants, so that he doesn't. If he falls for another girl there's nothing you can do about it. Whether or not it was his "intent" to hook up with other girls is neither here nor there. He was going to socialize and party after your breakup. He's 21 and in college. You were naive to think other girls wouldn't pop into his "socialzing and partying" scene. What's done is done. If you truly don't want him to have regrets then back off and let him make his own choices. He has that right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:47pm
Sorry - too bad - you asked for a break, he told you what he thought was true at the time and then changed his mind and what you did is such an invasion of his privacy. You may "get him" on this but you will also "get him" to be rightly pissed at you. Your choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 02-14-2004 - 9:28pm
Sugar, He's gone! Let him be! If he had been really into you he wouldn't be obsessing

over someone else so quickly after your break! He may have been emotionally unfaithful to you for a good while before the break. There are lots of guys out there! keep looking!