Should I call or wait for him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Should I call or wait for him?
14
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:12pm
Well. I met a man last weekend (Sat.) at a b-day party for a friend of mine. I noticed him early on, as being very attracted to him. as the night went on, we got to talking. pretty much about everything. family, health, travel, jobs, age (I'm 30, he's 32). Anyway - people began to leave the party, and we were having a good time. I invited him to go with me to a bar where my friend is the bartender. we sat at that bar together, playing bar dice, drinking cocktails and having fun conversation.

Of course we were both a little tipsy. He lives in a town approx. 30 minutes away and I suggested and invited him to crash at my place since he shouldn't drive home, and a cab may ot pricey. I'd just drive him to his car in the morning.

So we went back to my place, talked and laughed and drank water. and kissed...a lot! I had such a good time hanging with this guy. I said he's welcome to sleep on my pullout couch, or whatever, well, needless to say, he slept in my bed, with me. he in his boxers, me in my t-shirt and undies.

nothing happened other then a bit more kissing and cuddling.

I awoke around 9 am to get water and gave him some. We slept about an hour longer somewhat close. When we woke up again around 10 we kissed, talked and laughed about all kinds of things in my bed, until 11:30! including what we would do on our first date.

my headache began to get bad and I hinted that it's time I drive him to his car.

So, I dropped him off, we exchanged numbers, never making actual plans. we parted with a kiss and that's it!

that was Sunday morning.

So - I am interested in seeing this fella again, but he hasn't called. I know it's only thursday afternoon - but how much time to I give it, and should I call him first? I haven't been in this situation in so long!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:16pm

Well, my experience has been that if a guy's really interested, he'll call within a day or two to arrange a date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:18pm
What are you looking for out of this?

I mean, surely you're not thinking he'd start dating you at the "courtship and winning your attention" phase - you two without knowing one another slept together (no sex) and kissed, cuddled, and enjoyed the feeling of being found so desirable by someone so attractive.

I mean, the next date...if I were the guy, I expect sex. In fact, I wouldn't date you - I'd call you up and start hanging out and hooking up -but I wouldnt date you. I'd be more into the potential of a booty call with respectful limits type of thing - but I wouldn't date you.

If he doesn't call...I think it just means that he probably has interests or commitments elsewhere as far as women go and he's not in a position to pursue sex.

And if he does call, realize he probably expect sex to be somewhre on the menu immediately - probably as an appetizer.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 3:21pm
I wouldn't call him. He's got your number so let him call you. And if you don't hear from him this week, try to stop thinking about him. Sometimes people meet, have fun, and then nothing happens. Why? Lots of different reasons (but the reason why isn't important and you may never know why so just accept it). But if he IS interested in dating you, he WILL call. If not....just let it go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:24pm
ouch. Harsh responses.

The folks I work with say, Call him!

perhaps he's waiting for me to make the first call? Perhaps he's not an aggressive type guy...maybe he's going through the same dilemma as I am?

Maybe he's feeling like an idiot for coming OVER to my place?

I mean, I know we aren't in the 50's, 60's or even the 1990's anymore...not even 3 years ago!...things change - why should I be waiting for HIM to make the first move?

I suppose what am I looking for? well to hang out with someone, potential relationship, but not necessarily in a hurry. I liked his company, I'd like to see him again outside of alcohol related activities. and is EVERY guy out there expect sex on a date? c'mon. where are the gentlemen out there? geeeez.




iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:33pm
He knows you aren't shy, you let a man you just met sleep in your bed all night with you. I don't understand why he wouldn't call if he were interested in you. If you want to call him then do it, I wouldn't however.
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:37pm
Harsh responses they may be Mary- but we're only trying to help a fellow female. Look, I'm not a fan of "The Rules", but there is one rule of theirs (the authors) that I 100% agree with:

"If he doesn't call, he's not interested. Period. He hasn't lost your number, he isn't too busy- he's just not interested".

Ouch! Yup, I know. So you can listen to your work friends, most likely it sounds like you will. Hey, maybe it could work out, but odds are that it won't.

Whatever happens, good luck and at least you had fun that night!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-24-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:48pm
thanks. I'm torn.

Well. I suppose I should go by the advice on this site, but everyone else I've talked to say opposite.

oh well.

I suppose i have nothing to lose anyway. if I call and he's not interested, he'll blow me off. if I don't call, and he doesn't call - he's not interested. So, either way, he wouldn't be interested.

so nothing to lose!

If I never call I'll alway wonder 'what if" you know?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:52pm
I think when you invite a stranger home with you, you risk that he is the type of man who wants to date a woman who wouldn't be that available - many men I know would be flattered by that level of attention and the invitation to hook up but that might not be the woman they would want a serious relationship with. You prioritized your desire to be physical with him over the risk that this would happen - that is your choice to make but you cannot expect him to call you any more than you would expect any stranger you met at a party or a bar to call because he said he would. He probably had an awesome time with you but is just not that into you to make the effort to ask you out on a date - he already knows if he wants to see you again he just has to come knocking on your door.

Believe me I am not saying you did the wrong thing at all - you made a choice and had your priorities but I find your expectations and surprise, surprising.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:55pm

Harsh????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 4:56pm
It may not be the 50's but ask your coworkers wthether calling a man has ever been effective - in the sense that what came out of the pursuing was a healthy happy relationship that lasted more than a few dates - is he shy? - well that is usually not the case and even shy men get over it when they're sincerely interested - but a man who would readily hook up with you and sleep half naked with you - shy?? LOL - I doubt it.

If you call him do so only if you are ready to have sex with him very soon - my best guess is that is how he will interpret the call. Whatever year it is 1954 or 2004 - it is unusual for a woman who pursues a man in the beginning as you plan to do ends up being with a man who is sincerely interested in getting to know her as a person and being in a relationship with her.

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