What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
What would you do?
4
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 9:00pm
Met a guy over Thanksgiving while on a plane back home--we clicked well and exchanged info. He contacted me via email and we've gone on one date. No problem there--I've been extremely busy so couldn't go out with him. He told me he'd love to see me again and had a great time. Problem? He keeps talking to me via email... I told him to call me but he doesn't seem to take the hint. I like him and we get on well but I'm a bit concerned about this form of communication.

I know his job keeps him super busy (he's a lawyer) so I'm wondering if that's the reason for it... I don't want to call him and become the aggressor and I don't want to give him an ultimatum of 'call me or else...'

So any ideas? Thanks!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 9:21pm
Some people just aren't "phone" people. For some non-phone types who must use the phone a great deal in their work, it's especially unappealing. It's associated with "work" for them. I'm one of them and prefer e-mail over phone calls. But I think that both of you should make yourself available for dates because neither e-mail nor phone calls can take the place of that. If you really like each other, you'll make the time to see each other. No one who really wants to connect with another person will be too busy to make the time and make the effort.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 9:42pm
How about saying something diplomatic like - it's been fun emailing with you but boy are my fingers getting tired - think we should take the risk and talk in person ;-)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 02-12-2004 - 9:44pm
When it comes to dating I want a man who wants to take the time and make the effort to call me - even if just for a short call to make a plan. I find email too impersonal in the context of getting to know someone you're dating, early on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Fri, 02-13-2004 - 1:40pm
Sorry, but I disagree completely.

Like deena, I want a man - in fact require a man - who will take the time to call me. But perhaps most importantly, I require a man who respects my wishes.

Her wishes are that he call her, not email. She's told him this, yet he continues to ignore her request. He is giving her a real, tangible, and identifiable signal of *disrespect* -- even though it's a minor one. This first sign of disrespect speaks volumes about who he is. He's a lawyer and he's not stupid, and he knows exactly what he's doing.

Now... what should she do?

bklnchik,

I've been in your shoes several times. In some cases, I've even had to close my email account so the appropriate party would get the message. Here's what I'd do in your situation.

You've told him to call you. How many times have you told him?

If it's been just one time, tell him again. Include something in your brief note along the lines of: "_______, I'd love to talk with you again. But as I told you __ days/weeks ago, I'd really prefer we continue any conversation from here on via phone, not email. My number is _______ and the best time to reach me is ________. Hope to hear from you soon. "

If it's been more than once, you write him a note and include the above copy shortened to : "_______, as I've told you, I'd really prefer we continue any conversation from here on via phone, not email. My number is _______ and the best time to reach me is ________. Thanks."

Then you STOP WRITING HIM BACK. Just stop responding to his emails, period.

If he never calls you, you will be fortunate to have found out that he's just a game player and would continue to treat you disrespectfully no matter how long you dated him.

I know you don't want to lose a "good prospect". But if you don't set some boundaries now about what you require and about having your needs met, you'll have a helluva time setting them later.

It will work. Good luck.





Edited 2/13/2004 1:44:12 PM ET by krn2004