How do I encourage generosity??

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
How do I encourage generosity??
5
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:31am
I've been dating a sweet and affectionate guy for several months. The problem is, while I've bought him a number of thoughtful gifts in the past, he's never reciprocated. He did make me a card for Valentine's Day, but I received nothing for Christmas even though I bought a gift for him. To his credit, he has treated me to dinner occasionally, but that's the extent of his generosity. I'm feeling unappreciated; I genuinely enjoy buying him presents I know he'll like, but it's frustrating that he doesn't put forth the same effort!! This seems so uncharacteristic of him, because he's very giving in other areas- emotionally and sexually. I'm not asking for expensive and lavish presents, just a small token every now and then to let me know he's thinking about me. Am I being selfish to want this, or are my expectations simply too high?? Please help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 6:43am
What is his financial situation - do you know? Is he short on cash? If so, I could understand him being frugal with you. But if that's the case - does he make you dinner, rather than treating you to a meal out? What do you do on your dates?

I do find it a bit odd that he didn't get you anything for Christmas. Does he celebrate Christmas? How long had you been dating at that point?


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:52am
Other than for occasions, why are you buying him gifts? Perhaps he has financial difficulties? I cannot think of anything more romantic than him making you a card for Vday - and that suggests to me also that he might have financial issues. I happen to be a very good gift giver but I know others who are not as good (they call me for suggestions!). I wouldn't worry about it, see if you can explore the financial issue, and plan dates where he can afford to treat.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 9:08am
Hi earthgoddess78,

You are not expecting too high, just high.

You can’t expect him to be just like you.

Just because you give him gifts, doesn’t mean that he has to do the same. When you give, give sincerely. Don’t expect something in return. If he gives you something in return, that will be a plus but not a must.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 9:26am
I am also curious why you are buying gifts for him other than holidays, and what kind of gifts? are you buying him TV sets & clothing typs gifts? or picking up his favorite snack on the way to his house for a visit?

I have the same question as some of the other posters, how long were you dating at Christmas (I would think he'd have gotten something for you too) and what is his financial situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:15pm
Rather than answer all of these individually, this is easier...

He is pretty strapped for cash, but so am I; the issue is, I feel like I can set aside money for small surprises every now and then and I'm disappointed that he doesn't do the same. Plus, if he can afford to buy pot, he can afford to buy something for his girlfriend! I think he's just bad at managing money. Still, I wish I was higher than pot and beer on his list of priorities...

At Christmas, we had been dating about four months. Neither of us really celebrate it, so that might explain the lack of gift, although since I bought him something I thought he might reciprocate. However, he didn't buy gifts for anyone else, either...so it wasn't just me.

Lastly, I don't buy him anything huge or expensive, I'm a starving college student. :) Just for special occasions and the like, and occasionally picking up food or something on the way to visit him. Hope that helps.