Dating etiquette..your thoughts wanted
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| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 10:35am |
I have been invited to host a workshop at a local teen conference in March. I've been hosting workshops for years at this conference and a few others in my area on teen relationship violence and the like. This year, however, the coordinating committee has invited me to host with the request that I create a workshop on dating etiquette for this group. The average participant will be about 16 years old. I'm in the process of putting this together and thought this board would be a great place to solicit some suggestions for material.
So, my question is this... what would you want to go back and tell your 16 year-old self about dating? What information would have helped you transition into healthy dating/socializing when you started?
Please, fire away. :)

I think it is important to emphasize safety first. As far as etiquette I would say, make sure you are being treated like a lady. This means that the boy should call you in advance or talk to you in person about going on a date that he puts effort into planning. If you accept, accept with sincere enthusiasm - if you do not, be very polite no matter how disinterested you are. If you accept, put effort into your appearance - wear something nice and clean and flattering, make sure your hair is clean and just try to be well groomed.
When you are on the date, put an effort into making conversation about the things you like to do, the places you've been or would like to go to - stay away from too much gossip or interrogating him about why he asked you out. Be gracious about the place he chose to take you to eat and if you don't like anything on the menu, choose the thing you like the most or hate the least and don't complain - say please and thank you to the waiters. Be friendly in answering his questions and if he gets too personal just say nicely "why do you want to know?" or "ooh, that's a little personal." Do not tell your friends anything he asked you to keep in confidence or that might embarass him if you repeated it. Turn off your cell phone while on the date and if you see people you know be friendly but remember to focus on your date.
If you're talking to boys, I also would emphasize safety and would also mention that it is nice to help her on and off with her coat, open doors for her and walk by her side as opposed to in front of her. If it is the first date think of a plan where you can treat her and will not feel like you can't afford it. Make sure she gets home safely no matter if you want to see her again or not. Try to maintain eye contact when she speaks and be a good listener (same of course for girls).
That's about it!
Edited 2/16/2004 2:57:32 PM ET by poisonivyprincess
just because he's your "first" doesn't mean it's worthy of any more significance than it deserves.
don't give it away.
expect him to open your door and for him to treat you as a developing woman worthy of care and respect.
just because he says he likes you doesn't mean he automatically gets his way.
look past the "drama" and see the person inside.
don't be wowed by wealth or money or status or things, look for the person inside. this is not true for men in the poorhouse.
the man you choose will dictate your future. don't date a guy who has bad friends, who has a criminal record, who has a bad attitude, doesn't have interpersonal skills, has a drug problem of any kind, who lies or cheats or doesn't follow through on his word. you pick a bad man of any kind and parts of your life will suck, guaranteed. avoid this.
do not ever risk pregnancy. ever.
keep your dignity always.
don't allow a man to come between you and your family and friends... if you see that you've become alienated from any of the people who had been important to you before he came long, then you need to fix that pronto and keep in touch. if he bitches about it, tell him to get lost. these people probably loved you long before he said he did so don't make your world small just because of a guy.
treat him with respect.
don't dress like a slut and don't trashtalk.
when you're younger, everything seems so enhanced and SO important... chill out some. the point is to be happy.
choose someone who is good to you but who also doesn't allow unnecessary stress and can be a man.
find a guy who's "handy" to have around... can he fix things? does he know how to do real life stuff?
if someone tells you he has a sexually transmitted disease and you haven't slept with him yet, consider strongly whether you want to have the same sexually transmitted disease he has. it's your choice. he has warts, you'll probably get them, too, if you're not careful just once...
don't believe anything said to you by a man with a hardon.
he should treat his mother and sister's with respect but not be a mamma's boy.
you should not be melodromatic.
keep your personal life private... don't go around telling all your friends what you do with a boy... keep that to yourself and always make it clear that what you two do with this boy or man is private, between you two and that HE shouldn't talk to anyone about it, either.
not everything is about sex... but sometimes it is. learn the difference.
don't ever get into a car with an angry man.
always have a backup plan.
tell your girlfriends where you're going and with whom, tell your mom, too.
don't ever put yourself in a position where you don't have a choice. not all men are good or understand the word "no". don't test this limit ever.
stay away from other women's men. if a guy has a girlfriend and he's starting to flirt with you and wants to do things with you, you're enabling him to cheat on your sisters.
be kind to your fellow sisters - don't ditch them for a guy and don't do stupid things that women do to men, either.
don't cheat on him or lie to him.
always always remember that you are your own person and no one is entitled to know every single detail of every single experience or thought or feelings you've ever had. no man should demand that you answer to him.
if he hits you, he's gone. no questions asked.
don't live with a man before marriage. it's entangling.
don't get pregnant.
make there be something uniquely different from others in a very positive way - the good you'll learn from doing this on will astound you.
keep yourself pretty on the inside and always take care of yourself.