Moving on
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Moving on
| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:09pm |
(Posted originally on another board, but would like responses from *this* board's audience.)
Just wondering what it means to you to be "over" someone (e.g. person/s in a relationship - romantic or otherwise) or something (e.g. a personal goal that is not fulfilled or never worked out, doubts, insecurities, etc...).
I am sure that it is a state of mind (and heart), but how do you know...or when do you know? How do you cope when certain setbacks happen?
Thanks for your thoughts.

Hello carmelsf!! Welcome back!!
Thank you so much for posting this here - it is a very good topic and requires deep thought, that's for sure!
I can't speak for others but I know in my case that I can recognize the fact that I am over something or someone by a change in my behavior or just recognizing the fact that I no longer think about it (or them).
As means of an example, I can remember way back when I was first divorced. I have told people that the 9 years after the divorce were worse than the marriage ever was. I divorced a woman who vowed to do anything that she could to ruin me (and she certainly tried!). I can remember that I lived on alka-Seltzer and I had no fingernails... and I was 36 years old at the time! But, one day I remember looking down and thinking "I need to trim my fingernails"... all of a sudden I realized that I had some to trim! At about the same time I recognized the fact that I hadn't felt the need for Alka-Seltzer in recent days... That's the point where I knew that I had moved on and gotton over the turmoil. And, these days, I don't even think about it all unless someone else brings it up.
Anther way to tell is when songs, movies, places you go, things you do no longer remind you of someone. When they don't invoke the same feelings as they did before - again, recognizing a change will signal that you are "over" something or someone.
I suppose it really is a state of mind... as for coping, you have to establish a mindset which moves you past any unpleasant thoughts by replacing the bad ones with good ones. Change your behavior, change your patterns, go different places and do different things until you are comfortable at returning to the familiar ones of before.
I can remember a therapist once telling me, "It only hurts when you think about it" - Lot of truth to that! It is a matter of mind control and of controlling your mind instead of letting it control you.
And, that's just one person's perspective....
tg