Someone pleaseeeeee help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Someone pleaseeeeee help me
5
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 3:43pm
I previously posted "Lost Love" and I took all the advice I have gotten into consideration and tried to the best of my ability to carry them out. However, last night I did something I probably would regret for the rest of my life. As I stated before my ex said that the needed to discuss some things with me because he thinks he needs closure in order to stop acting the way he does whenever he hears anything about me. Well last night we spoke and he ended up spending the night which turned out to be intimate. I cried as I was having sex with him becasue I knew that it was just empty sex to him, whereas with me, it meant so much. I woke up this morning feeling horrible, because I really really do still love this man and I know that he doesn't feel the same way about me. He tells me he doesn't want me to be with anyone esle, but he cannot say why. I am so hurt, everytime I think about it I cry. I've been trying since Sept of 2002 to get over this guy and this is the first time we have been intimate since the break up, so I know it is not that, that is keeping me from moving on. I felt like I've been making so much progress, and I felt I was strong enough to withstand him, for which I had done up until last night. Can someone please tell me what I should do? I feel like just crying out to him and asking him to give our relationship another chance, but I don't want him to see me as being weak or feel like I can't do without him, even though that might be the case. Do you think I should ask him what it is that he really wants from me or should I just try and get over the one night and forget about him?

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 7:46pm
I suggest not calling him and don't allow him to start using you as a booty call. I don't think all men are dogs but men will take what you give them. If he thinks he can hang on to that one aspect of you (the sex) he may try to make intermitent stops back through your life only for sex prolonging your attachment to that old relationship. You need to move on and gain closure yourself. Don't call him but if he calls you let him no that it won't be happening again and that you're moving on. You'll feel like a liar but it will save yourself a lot of unnessassary pain because if you think you're crying now wait until you let this continue on and on. It will wear you to pieces and leave you with an obscured since of how lovable you really are. Do what you need to get over it but do get over it. Start dating again just to get out and have fun.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-16-2004 - 8:28pm

I would ask him to contact you if and only if he decides that he is 100% ready to work things out with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:37pm
Thanks, would you suggest that I email him and express to him how I feel about the situation and then afterwards cut off all communicaton.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 3:58pm

Sorry, I'm not sure what you're asking...as I said in my previous post, I'd email him to say exactly what I suggested above.

Avatar for macgyver17
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 02-17-2004 - 4:20pm
I also agree with sheri's suggestion. If he is not willing to give you 100% which is what anybody deserves than he is not ready to be with you in a real relationship. He obviously doesn't have a problem having sex with you, why not be committed to you too?